Dropped into Madness, Well, Maybe
by Writer from the Black Lagoon
Summary: OC Story. What do you do when dropped into war? Rated T for language and references.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I've never put my stuff up before, so be nice if/when you decide to review this… thanks.

Please, excuse my HORRIBLE Demoman accent. I just made it up. I tried to fit with the canon Valve has already released… with varying results. Soldier is NOT crazy enough, same with Medic. Spy isn't evil enough. I do like Engineer though.

Yes, this is an OC story. Before the story begins, let me say something on the subject of "alternate timelines". For the purposes of this story, assume this to be true: Every decision or outcome in history could turn out any number of ways. For example, in one alternate realm, the Magna Carta was never written. In another, you ate an extra potato chip for lunch. This story assumes that TF2 takes place in one of the alternate universes. Yes, it's quantum physics taken to fiction.

* * *

DISCLAIMER:

Team Fortress 2 and affiliated characters are owned by: Valve

This story and Philippe are owned by: The Writer from the Black Lagoon (me)

"SNIPER!" The yell resonated through the entire base.

"Ach mine ears! Scout, you do not need to yell so _laut_!" Medic said.

"Doc, that cockfag stole my freakin' cap!" Scout said angrily.

"No, Oi didn't. It was Spoi what stole yer cap," Sniper said, slouching in for his coffee.

"Prolly to git a laugh offa us, boy. So yellin' ain't gonna do you no good," Engineer commented from where he sat, working on his various blueprints.

Scout sat down at the table, grumbling and swearing quietly. At that moment, the Heavy Weapons Guy walked in.

"Hello, Doktor, leetle Scout…" Heavy trailed off. He bent down next to Medic and asked, "Doktor? Why does leetle Scout have no hat?"

Before Medic could answer, Scout started yelling again. "I got no hat because that fuckin' Spy stole it again! Backstabbin' fuckin' fag…" Scout started mumbling too low to hear.

Medic sighed and said, "You see, Heavy?"

"Da. Spy like to steal things. He like having reactions. Don't yell. Act normal. Well… Normal for leetle Scout." Before said Scout could say anything, Heavy asked, "Do we have sanviches?"

"Yep, we do. Jus' look in that there refridgerator, an' don't eat 'em all, big guy. We need some fer tommara an' Monday."

"'Taren't ye gonnae go ta the market todae?" Demoman drunkenly (well, what else would he be?) staggered in.

"Vas? Oh, zat vas yesterday," Medic said.

"Jhentlemen." Spy always had to have an entrance. This time, however, he looked vaguely…disturbed.

"Hey you fuckin' cunt gimme back my cap!"

"Eef you insist. However, zhere is another…problem."

"Loike what, Spoi."

"Like zhere is a _mademoiselle _on our doorstep."

There was silence in the kitchen for a moment. Predictably, Scout was the first to speak up.

"You have got to be shittin' me."

"Boy, where in tarnation would a lady be comin' from 'round these parts?"

"And 'ow would I know zhat? Eef you care, you should probably get 'er inside."

"Mmmf mmf mm. Mff mmmf mmmm!"

"Wha' did ye say, laddie, ye'll have tae speak up!"

"WHY IS THERE A GIRLY MAGGOT IN FRONT OF OUR BASE?"

Silence reigned supreme in the base for a moment.

"Ach, Heavy, help me bring ze _fräulein _inside.

"Da, Doktor."

* * *

"Ow….why does my head hurt so much?"

The girl, who was currently laying on a patch of dusty ground, rubbed her head. Medic assessed her as he walked towards her. She did not appear to have any serious injuries, but the brunette was dressed very strangely, even for an American girl. He briefly puzzled over this, but dismissed this train of thought. She wasn't dressed in blue, after all, but a light green top and khaki pants. It was more important to find out if she was a threat. She looked at him, showing her eyes that were a bright shade of green.

"_Gut_, you have woken, _fräulein_."

"Where the hell am I, and who are you?"

Miffed, he replied, "You are at ze RED base, and I am Medic. This is ze Heavy Weapons Guy, also known as Heavy."

"What is name of leetle girl?"

"My name is Philippe. You can call me Phil, if you want," she said, standing up and brushing herself off. "Are you two alone out here, or do you… ah. I see."

Medic turned to see the entire team grouped like sheep, staring at her. He sighed. "_Bitte_, excuse my teammates. We don't see many newcomers out here."

"It's fine," Philippe said with a laugh. "Would you be so kind as to introduce me?"

"Da, Heavy will help leetle girl! Man in yellow helmet is Engineer, man in dark helmet is Soldier, man in mask is Spy, boy with cap is Scout (HEY!), man with eye patch is Demoman, man with vest and brown hat is Sniper, and…uh…man in gasmask and suit is Pyro. Everyone, leetle girl is Philippe."

"Please, call me Phil."

There were varied greetings from everyone (although she couldn't tell what Pyro was saying).

"Jhentlemen, lady and unknown (Mmmf!), I am truly sorry to impose on ze wonderful greetings, but we need to know just 'ow you got 'ere," Spy said, tapping some ash from his cigarette.

"I'd love to tell you, except I have no idea whatsoever. Last time I remember I was sitting at my desk using my computer and-"

"Whassa (Hic!) com-whatsis?" Demoman asked.

"You're kidding." They just looked at her blankly. She slapped her forehead. "What year is it? And would someone at least reassure me I'm in the right country?" She had a bad feeling about this.

"MAGGOT! YOU'RE IN THE BLESSED UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND IT IS THE YEAR OF 1968!" There were numerous expressions of disbelief and annoyance among the gathered men. Philippe raised an eyebrow.

"Do you always shout? As far as I know, we're all right here."

"YES…er…No, maggot!" Apparently, a glare from Medic and Engineer was enough to make him settle down. But Philippe had other problems.

"Wait, did you say 1968?"

* * *

Updates will be forthcoming.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay... continuing. I'm going to have to make much longer chapters to avoid the "40 Chapters of DEATH" syndrome.

Please review!

Obligatory disclaimer:

Spycrab: CRAB CRAB! Ahem. Zhis ztory belongs to zhe Writer from zhe Black Lagoon, as does Philippe.

...And?

Spycrab: And Team Fortress 2 and zhe affiliated characters belong to Valve. May I go now?

Engie: Nope.

* * *

"Pull my other fuckin' leg, it's got friggin' bells on!"

"Yer from 2011? Look, mate, yer on drugs or sommat. Whoi do you think yer from the future?"

"I'm not lying!" Philippe said, fed up. "Here!" She pulled two items out of her pockets and threw them at Sniper, who just barely managed to catch them. He held them in his huge hands and looked at them in puzzlement.

"Wot are these?"

Philippe rolled her eyes in exasperation and turned on the iTouch (the other item being a cellphone).

She scrolled through her music until she found something they might recognize. In short order, she had played the one song from Johnny Cash she owned, Chopin's "Valse le Adieu", the Beatles' song "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da", and a Scottish jig that she had gotten free from iTunes. They stared at the little machine in amazement.

"Now do you believe me?"

"Little lady, I'm thinkin' you just 'bout scared them t' death!" Engineer laughed. "But ya proved yer point, missy. Now I dunno 'bout you fellas, but I'm gettin' mighty cold out here."

They all filed in, Philippe putting her machines back into her pockets. She and Engineer were the only ones to talk on the way in. All the rest of them didn't say a word, not even Scout.

_Who was this girl? And where did she come from? _

"Have you cooked dinner yet?" Philippe asked.

"No…Why, are you hungry? It's Scout's turn t' cook tonight," Engineer replied.

"Well, I'll do the cooking tonight."

"No, no! We ain't gonna ask ya t' cook-"

"Actually, Engineer, I'd really like to cook. It…relaxes me. Just don't hover."

"'Kay then. Y'all hovering over there, let's go t' the meeting room."

They trooped over in silence. Engineer eyed the men uneasily. It was usual for Sniper and Pyro to be silent, but Scout was usually running his mouth off, Soldier was usually shouting as loudly as he could, Heavy and Medic were usually talking with each other, Demo was usually drunkenly rambling, and Spy was usually torturing someone. _But then, this isn't a USUAL day, is it? _He thought with a mental sigh.

The moment he closed the door, the Spy immediately tried to reassert control. "Jhentlemen, I-"

"Spah, I need t' speak fer a moment. Speak after Ah'm done."

Everyone jumped. Engineer almost never used that voice. The last time he used that voice, the base had woken to the BLU Spy being tied to the flagpole outside, dressed only in his mask and boxers. Spy quietly sat down.

Engineer sighed. "Alrigh'. I want t' know what y'all think 'bout this missy's story. Person'lly, Ah trust the little lady."

Medic spoke first. "Ze _fräulein_ seems trustworthy…Zhe seems to have no combat training."

"Da. Leetle girl almost ran into flagpole. She not BLU, and not Spy."

"Sniper?"

"Mate, Oi don't think the sheila could be a spoi if she wanted ta."

"The lass seems tae be tellin' the truth."

"Fuck, I dunno. I guess the big guy's right, though. She's a friggin' klutz."

"Mmmf!" Pyro shrugged, then gave the thumbs up.

"The girly maggot seems alright." Soldier mumbled. Everyone looked at one another. Soldier, mumbling? It would have been addressed, but Sniper pointed something out.

"Wot happened t' Spoi?"

* * *

Spy, in fact, was going down the hall to assuage his doubts about the girl. _Philippe._ That was her name. He figured he was the only person to have seen the brief flash of recognition.

Whatever she was cooking smelled good, though.

He peeked in. The girl (_Philippe!)_ wasn't humming over the stove, but sitting at the table staring at the wall. He walked in and watched her, not revealing his presence. She still jerked her head up, feeling as if she was being watched, but apparently put it down to her imagination and resumed staring into space.

_A professional would have immediately become suspicious. Hmm. _

He revealed himself, decloaking, but it took a cleared throat to get her attention.

"Wha? Oh, hello Spy. You startled me," she admitted sheepishly.

"I guessed zhat, _mademoiselle_. What are you cooking?"

"Chicken, broccoli, and pasta. Slightly bland, but easy and quick to cook."

"I didn't even know we had broccoli, never mind chicken," Spy said with a small smile.

"I found it in the back of the fridge."

Abruptly changing the subject, Spy asked, "Just out of curiosity, 'ow do you zhink you got 'ere, Philippe?"

"A hole in the fabric of space-time? I have no idea. I'm pretty sure that you're an alternate universe. I do know of you, though… but it will be hard to explain. And, please, call me Phil."

His curiosity was perking up, along with his suspicions. _The flash of recognition..._ "Try me zhen, Phil."

"Okay…Imagine a… movie that is based around the RED and BLU teams. Now, imagine that you could pick a character and control them-but it isn't actually them, just a picture. Sometimes other people control the other players and the other team. It's called a video game. Yours is called Team Fortress 2."

The suspicions died down, but the curiosity remained. "Zhat's 'ard to imagine, but I think I get eet. Is zhere a Team Fortress 1?"

"Yes, but it isn't the same characters."

"Ah."

"And there are…fans. Of the game." She took a deep breath and paused, looking conflicted. "They take the characters and…play matchmaker."

"_Merde._"

"Well, sometimes people do genderswaps, like making Scout or Sniper female, and sometimes Engineer and Demo. And sometimes they make Pyro female. But mostly…Do you want to know who you are…paired with?"

"Yes…and no."

She took a deep breath. "You are paired with Sniper, Scout, and Medic once in a while. Scout is paired with…everyone. Mostly you, Sniper, and Engineer. Medic and Heavy are almost always paired together, Engineer is never paired with anyone but Soldier and Scout, Soldier is only ever paired with Engineer, Sniper is paired with you, Scout, and Medic, and Demo and Pyro are mostly ignored." She said it fast, as if it would lose its impact if said as quickly as possible. After a moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever, Spy opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it to say the only words he could.

"_Mon dieu._"

"Precisely. Do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself, if you could."

"I will do zhat," he assured her fervently. She smiled, and then turned to a hissing sound from the stove.

"Shit! The pasta's boiling over." When she looked back, she found he had cloaked and vanished. She permitted herself a small smile and continued to cook dinner.

She had found a friend.

* * *

"Spah, where were ya?"

"I believe eet is of little consequence, _oui_?"

"Probably scared the fuckin' wits outta the girl."

"First, 'er name iz Philippe, second, Philippe scared me, and third, my curiousity is sated, I vote zhat she remains 'ere. I believe dinner is ready, jhentlemen." He then swept out the door, leaving those in the room staring after him, wondering what she managed to do to convince him.

Funnily enough, he was asking himself the same question.

* * *

Sigh...I hate page breaks.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I got nothin'.

Disclamer: Don't own any of this except Phil and storyline.

Thanks. All that I don't own, belongs to Valve. Including the Portals.

* * *

Manners, Philippe noted, were not something practiced by most of the team; specifically Soldier, Heavy, Scout, or Demo (when he wasn't drinking, that is). Spy and Medic had impeccable manners, and Sniper and Engineer were about average. She had no idea where Pyro was, as he took his food, gave what she thought was a "thank you" and waddled off.

Taking her portion, she sat down with the rest of them (admittedly as far away from Heavy and Scout as possible). Sitting with Spy, Medic, Sniper, and Engineer, she said, "I have to ask, Engie. How do you think I got dropped here?"

"T' be honest, Phil, Ah've got no idea. If Ah had t' make somethin' up, though, it'd be that ya got sucked inta a wormhole."

Ignoring the puzzled faces of the men around her, she said, "Hmm…I've heard of those. They're…portals, I guess, doors that can either go from one place to another, or to different dimensions, different timelines, and possibly even the past or the present."

"And zhese…portals. How do zhey open?" Spy asked.

"Well, theoretically you'd need a black hole…"

"An' one under control, too. Otherwise, it'd just eat ya up an' everythin' 'round ya, an' eventually eat the planets an' sun an' all."

"Scrap that idea. I think I need to learn more about your technology. Do you have any system of teleportation?"

"Yep, but it ain't able t' cross dimensions, or timelines. It's jus' able t' go from one spot t' another."

"Oh. I guess we'll have to give up that line of thought then. By the way," she asked, changing the subject, "when does the fighting start? Against the… blue, was it?" Philippe said, feigning ignorance.

"Eet starts on Monday. I told 'er a little about… what we do," Spy said to the surprised and suspicious faces around him. They slowly relaxed.

"_Fräulein_, did you know about ze respawn?" Medic asked.

"No, what's that?"

"Eet gives us back life, _mademoiselle_. If we die on ze field of battle, we zhen come back to life in a few minutes."

"Wow, that's pretty amazing."

"Mate, it's got its fair share of soide effects. Ya get headaches, an' ya can't so much as move if ya get killed a lot, sheila."

"Ah… Speaking of which, what is today?"

"It's Saturday. Speakin' a' which," he mimicked and she made a face at him, "what're we gonna do with ya when we gotta go t' battle?"

There was a moment of quiet at their part of the table, punctuated only by Scout's argument with Heavy about whether Bonk or "Sandvich" was better.

"Ay, lassie, wot's got ye so quiet down there?" Demoman broke in.

"What am I gonna do while you're off fighting?" Philippe said quietly. Her tone of voice got the attention of all those at the table.

"Leetle girl need weapon to defend herself against BLU babies."

"Oi agree with ya there, mate. But what do we got t' give her?"

"Do ya even know how to shoot a fuckin' gun?"

"…Not really…"

"Vhat does zhat mean?"

"It means that I've shot a gun before, and I've used an arrow and bow, but I… did it so long ago that I barely remember any more." A moment of silence greeted her, as they all stared (except for Spy, who was, of course, too dignified to stare). She thought, a tad sadly, _They've been fighting for so long, they barely even remember a time when they weren't fighting. _

"But I'm always willing to learn," she said, with the teeniest of smiles on her face. Then she frowned. "However, I don't think I should learn to become, say, a Spy, or a Pyro."

"Why no', lass?"

"Well, does anyone have a second copy of all of their equipment to spare? No? That's what I thought. I think it's silly for me to learn to be a specific class if I don't get all of the weapons that go along with it."

"Ze _mademoiselle _is correct, jhentlemen. I, personally, do not have much of my equipment to spare at zhis time."

"Mate, Oi got nothin' much t' spare, same as Froglegs over there." Spy shot Sniper a heated glare while Philippe suppressed a giggle.

Pyro waddled back in the room. He put his cleaned plate in the sink, looked at everyone and said, "Mmf mmmg mm?"

"Pyro, we were just discussing what we were going to give zhe lady in zhe way of weapons."

"D'ya have any t' spare?" Engineer asked, glancing at her.

Pyro didn't even bother speaking, simply holding up one finger, then miming cutting down a tree.

"D'ya mean t' say ya have an axe t' spare?"

"Maggots!" Soldier said, calling the attention of those at the table. "What do we have to let this girly MAGGOT defend herself with?"

Before anyone could express the disbelief she saw on their faces, Philippe quickly interjected, to avoid the brawl that would surely ensue, "How about everyone figures out what they don't need or have extras of, and we can then see what I've got to try to use?"

Everyone then switched their attention to her, looking impressed except for Soldier, who looked bemused, Spy, who looked amused, Pyro, who was wearing a mask, and Engineer, who sighed, disappointed-they were really impressed?

Philippe looked at Engineer, and, correctly reading his facial expression, started giggling. The confused and startled faces of the rest of the men at the table just added to the amusement of the situation. Engineer started laughing as well. Spy gave the smallest of chuckles, and Pyro had what sounded like laughter coming out from under his/her/its mask.

Sniper, Soldier, Scout, Heavy, Demo, and Medic just stared at the four of them, mostly Engineer and Phil. Sniper felt a muscle in his face twitch in amusement, before controlling his face and saying, in the most serious voice he could muster, "Women."

Spy almost choked on his cigarette, while Pyro laughed even harder. Engineer glared at the now-laughing Sniper, and Philippe was almost crying from laughter. Medic started chuckling despite himself, Heavy laughed his booming laugh. Demo chuckled drunkenly, before falling out of his chair. All that happened was that it caused everyone in the room to laugh even harder.

Soldier growled and stalked out of the room, but not before Phil saw a smile fighting through his stoic features. Scout, on the other hand, looked completely nonplussed to find himself in a room full of laughing maniacs, but started chuckling.

Soldier came back later, once everyone had calmed down, with paper and a pen. The men wandered off to find out what they could spare of their weapons. Sniper stayed behind to talk to Phil.

"Oi, Phil. Ya don't have a room yet, roight? Well, Oi sleep in my camper, an' I don't use my room, so ya can have it."

"Are you sure, Sniper? I mean, it is your room…"

Sniper waved off her protests with a small smile. "No, sheila, it's fine. Loike Oi said, Oi don't use it anyway. Cheerio." Then he too wandered off to look at his equipment.

Philippe smiled. She had made another friend.

Unbeknownst to her, but, of course, knownst to us, someone else smiled too, watching from the shadows. "_Oh chérie, vous êtes tout à fait le charmeur, n'est-ce pas? Même si vous ne réalisez pas._" the RED Spy murmured, cloaking and returning to his room. All the way back to his room, he continued to smile, a mirror of Philippe's own.

* * *

LOL Is it a Spy? Is it a crab? No- It's a creeper! (Yes, yes, it's horrible, I apologize.)

The last line translated, by the way, is: Oh darling, you are quite the charmer, are you not? Even if you do not realize it.

By the way, I'd like to take this opportunity to say- Use the Schwarz! (Hehe...)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter is really short…. But if I include any more, then the chapter becomes 5,000 word chapter of death! And I'm already unhappy about the length of the next chapter….

Obligatory Disclaimer:

Phil: None of this but me and the story belongs to the Writer from the Black Lagoon.

Spy: Hmm…does zhat mean I can do anyzhing I want?

**Hell no!**

Spy: _Merde._

Scout: FISH! *whacks Spy on the head with the fish, then runs away*

Spy: Come back here you little... *vanishes*

**You might want to try to stop that disaster in the making... Good luck.**

Phil: *sigh* Enjoy, everyone. SPY! *runs after Spy and Scout*

* * *

Later that evening, they met to decide what could be spared for Phil to use. They came up with the following:

-1 Shotgun

-1 Axe

-1 Sticky Bomb launcher

-1 Pistol

-1 Bat

-1 Revolver

-1 Sandvich

-1 Kukri

-1 Submachine Gun

-3 Grenades

Looking over the list, she nodded. Everyone but Medic and Sniper had contributed one item, but she knew Medic had nothing he could contribute and Sniper had lots of extra weapons, so it made sense that he gave her two, and the shotgun was found (by her) inside one of the cupboards.

"Thanks, everyone. If you could give me the weapons tomorrow I could try them and see which ones I can use. Now, since Sniper's giving me his room, as he doesn't use it, I believe I want to go to bed. It has been a very long day. Goodnight." As she turned to leave, Philippe heard Sniper raise a problem.

"Ah, mate, d'ya have any clothes other than the ones yer wearin'?"

There was a moment of silence. A peaceful, blissful, and rare moment of silence. Like all moments, it had to end.

"Shithead! D'ya think she came with a fuckin' suitcase, Capt'n Kangaroo?"

"Hey, y'all, settle down." Engie tried to create peace. Predictably, it didn't work.

"MAGGOTS SHUT UP!"

Phil smacked her forehead.

Eventually, with much arguing, some of the clothing in the storage rooms was given to her- stuff that had never been used. She ended up with a pair of what should have been Sniper's pants (rolled up 5 times), Engie's boots (the only ones that fit), the "Ye Olde Baker's Hat" (so that she could try to hide the fact she was a girl), and a shirt that, for some reason, had an unmarked patch. She also had one of Soldier's sashes, Spy's gloves, and a longer shirt (probably Heavy's) that would serve as a nightshirt.

"Alright, it's almost midnight. Let's go to bed," she said.

"Fuck no, I'm gonnaaaaa…" Scout yawned.

"Go to yer bed, mate?"

"Listen to ze _mademoiselle_, little boy."

"Fuck you," Scout muttered, but made no further objections as they all headed off into their separate rooms.

"Y'all get on t' bed now."

"G'night."

"_Gute Nacht_."

"'Night, fags."

"_Bonne nuit_."

"Good night maggots!"

"Mmm mmmf."

"'Night lads, an' lass."

"Have good dream!"

"Good night."

She closed her door and made sure to lock it before quickly changing out of her clothes into her nightshirt and sliding under the covers before she let sleep claim her. She didn't want Spy having a chance to sneak in. She didn't unlock the door. If something happened, almost anyone there could smash through the door to wake her up.

The last thing she remembered was loud snoring from next door. _Oh, Demo. _

She gave a sleepy grin before drifting off into sleep.

* * *

AWW! SO CUTE!

Hehe…it gets a little less easy for Phil from here on in.


	5. Chapter 5

I got nothing.

Disclaimer: Valve owns TF2, I own the story and Phil, nothing else.

* * *

"MAGGOTS! GET DRESSED!"

"It's bloody SUNDAY you wanker! Leave me be!"

"I WANT YOU IN THE BRIEFING ROOM BY-"

"DAGNABIT SOLDIER! Ah can't make my dammed plans if ya ain't gonna let me have mah shut-eye!"

"NOW!"

"Soldier…" Philippe said with a thunderous look on her face, "It is far too fucking early for your nonsense. SO EITHER GO BACK TO BED OR LEAVE THE REST OF US BE!" She then turned and slammed her door.

Unbeknownst to her, or indeed, anyone, Soldier blinked, then marched up to his room and quietly closed the door.

Maybe five in the morning was too early.

* * *

Philippe stirred from her bed a mere two hours later. Eight hours of sleep was not enough, but she wouldn't be able to sleep now- the sun was rising.

She shook her head in annoyance and got dressed in the clothes she had picked out yesterday, but she didn't yet hide her hair under her cap. She brought it with her, and found Soldier still up, as well as a very sleepy looking Spy, Pyro, who was making breakfast, and Sniper.

"Morning."

"Mornin'."

"Mmf."

"_Bonjour_."

Soldier said nothing. Philippe cast him a curious glance but only asked what was for breakfast.

"Mmmn, mmgs, mmst, mm mmnmmks."

Philippe tilted her head. "I got bacon, eggs, toast, and pancakes out of that."

"I got mumblin', personally." Sniper grinned when she made a face at him.

She grumbled at him, getting the coffee on the desktop. "Is this decaf or normal coffee?"

"_L'homme jar sales ne boit pas de café normal_."

Those in the kitchen all looked at Spy for a moment, realizing that he fell asleep on the table.

"So, does anyone here know French?"

Soldier, once he finished his coffee, turned and left without so much as a word.

"Did Oi say somethin'?"

Philippe barely heard him as she stared after him. She carefully put the things in her hands down, preparing to go after him. She heard Spy stirring behind her.

Sniper asked, "Yeah, what did you say before? Ya said it in French, so Oi couldn't understan' a word o' it."

"What did I zay?"

"Ya said 'L'home yar sales ni boy pass the café normal'."

Spy smirked. "Hmm….Well, I could tell you I suppose…"

"Spoi…." Sniper growled.

Philippe left, barely hearing the argument beginning behind her. In a far-off voice, she said, "Play nice, you two."

They paid no mind to her as she left, but Pyro looked at her in alarm. This couldn't be good.

* * *

She caught up with Soldier a few minutes later, finding him sitting on a bench that was outside the base.

She didn't say anything to him, simply sitting next to him. Eventually, she sighed. Breaking the silence, she asked,

"Soldier? What's wrong?"

He mumbled something Phil couldn't hear.

"What?"

"I'm just fine, maggot!"

"You're not, and I can see it. The only reason it hasn't been addressed is because the only people to talk to you today are Spy and Sniper, who argue too much to notice. And they can be idiots sometimes," Philippe said flatly.

He looked at Phil and sighed in… defeat? Resignation? Who knew?

"Private, I'm confused. Everyone else flinches when I shout, or make faces, or just ignore me. But you…"

"Somehow, I can't see Engineer doing most of those things. He seems too polite to do that."

"Yeah, well, I assumed that it was just him. But I can't intimidate you, and you don't ignore me, and I haven't seen you make faces yet."

"I haven't even been here for 24 hours yet."

"Yeah, it took Scout less than 15 seconds."

"Well, that's Scout."

"True…" Soldier said with a small smile.

"Look, Solly, what is your problem with the fact that I'm also a bit nicer to you than Scout?"

Soldier looked away. He couldn't quite put his finger on why. Maybe it was that she was taking things that he associated with Scout and Engineer, some things from Spy and Sniper, and some things from Pyro and even him…

But they were so different, it made sense that they would cover most of the personality traits. So why…why did it bother him?

"Solly?"

"I think it bothers me that you are too like the people that I know and admire, well, some of them."

"Like who?"

"Well, like Pyro's sensitivity to others problems, and Engineer's politeness, and Scout's swearing and hate of early mornings, and Spy's mysterious quality, and Sniper's sensibility, and Engie's intelligence, and…" He trailed off as he saw her laughing. Angered, he suddenly yelled,

"MAGGOT WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?"

"Hee, he he. Because, I'm not often sensitive-you were obvious, I'm not all that polite, I don't swear that often, I'm not mysterious, intelligent, or sensible for that matter. Ha…You did get the hate of early mornings though. But you're thinking through your problems. From what I hear of you, except from Engie, you tend to be notoriously violent and impulsive."

"What-what does Engie say about me?" Soldier asked, sounding utterly bemused.

"He just says that you need to think before acting." She smiled so slightly, it was barely noticeable.

"Sometimes, I wonder what goes on in that head of his."

"I don't think that anyone wants to go inside his head," Phil said with a little sad smile. "He seems like the kinda person who doesn't, oh, divulge his problems to anyone and keeps a cheery face and a positive outlook. But anyone else, looking in, would be depressed."

He stared at her. _What…_

She turned and looked at him with a sad smile. She suddenly seemed much older than she appeared to be. He tilted up his helmet to look her in the eye, showing that he wasn't thinking in straight lines like he appeared to be most of the time, albeit lines that drove through mountains of logic with no apparent problems- he was really lost and confused.

She looked at him, suddenly saddened, and spontaneously hugged him. Who made him into this? He stiffened, surprised. No doubt he was expecting a knife to the back from the BLU Spy. Eventually, he loosened up a little and hugged her back gingerly. It wasn't a romantic hug, but a hug of comfort, between something like a father and a daughter.

Maybe having a girl around wouldn't be so bad after all…

She eventually released him, and wiped her eyes.

"Were…you crying?"

"No…I wasn't…" she growled. He smiled. "Tell me though, why did you care so much about Engie's opinion?"

The smile abruptly vanished. He growled, and then pulled his helmet back down to cover his eyes.

Philippe tilted her head confused for a moment, and then understanding came to her, brought on by his non-answer and his red ears and neck.

"Really?" she asked, somewhere between confused, surprised, and horrified.

"Well, no…"

"But…you want it to happen…right?"

There was a fidgety moment of silence, then he bellowed,

"MAYBE MAGGOT! DON'T QUESTION YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICERS!" Phil almost fell off of the bench.

"Yes, sir!" She gave him a salute.

"Better…" He seemed to be back to his usual self, until he gave her a smile and said, "Well? Are we going in, Private?"

"Shall we?"

"Only after you, maggot."

She grinned and walked, in, giving him a pretend curtsey.

He wasn't so bad after all. Maybe this was okay.

"Wassup guys?" She could hear Scout stumbling loudly around.

"Scout, why're ya still in yer boxers mate?" Sniper asked as Phil walked in and got an eyeful of Scout dressed only in boxers and socks.

"Wassit fuckin' matter, fag?"

There was a moment of quiet, into which Spy drawled,

"Zhere is a lady residing 'ere, _oui?_"

"MAGGOT GET DRESSED!"

"EEP!"

Scout left a cloud of dust as he remembered the events of the previous day and ran upstairs.

Okay, maybe it wasn't all roses and rainbows.

But at least she was getting to be closer friends with Soldier.

* * *

I don't actually like this chapter...but a friend of mine wanted two romances to take place. So...

SAPPINESS! Sorry if you're not a fan of Solly/Engie.


	6. Chapter 6

Update! Sorry if it took a while.

Thanks for those of you who have left reviews.

Disclaimer:

Phil:Do I always have to do this?

Engie: Well, darlin', ya volunteered fer-

Solly: VOLUNTEER? WHA- Oh, eh, s-sorry, Engie.

Engie: As Ah was sayin' *ahem* ya volunteered fer th' job.

Solly: Hmf. Better than Scout. *muttered* Maggot.

Scout: *grumble* Mumble mumble Soldier mumble mumble fag mumble mumble gonna rip his mumble mumble.

Phil: *grin* 'Kay, then. The Writer from the Black Lagoon doesn't own TF2, affiliated characters, or any of the hats. She only owns the writing on the page below and me.

**Although I half wish I did own TF2, but then nothing would get done...But, I'd be rich. **

Phil: Heh. Anyway...

**Enjoy! **

* * *

Haven taken breakfast and narrowly avoided an incident with Demoman, Demo's lack of clothing, and a very angry Soldier, Engineer took Phil out to the shooting range they had outside the back of their base.

"So Engie, I-"

"'Engie?'"

"Sorry, do you not like it?"

"Nah, it's okay. Jus' strange, is all."

"Well, I guess you're teaching me how to shoot."

"D'ya remember any of it?"

"Nope." She made a face when he laughed a little. "Yeah, yeah, laugh."

"Well, try holding the revolver." She picked the revolver up, off of the table that held all of the weapons donated to her and pointed it at the target.

"Hmm, fair enough I suppose."

"Engie?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's president?"

"A Mister Lyndon B. Johnson." He said this with some distaste.

Phil turned and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, he's a slimy, dirty, lyin' scumbag."

She grinned and turned back to the target. "You're gonna have to tell me the history of this world, because I think the timelines are a little different."

"Hmm? Yer aimin' a little high there."

She adjusted her aim and explained, "Well, for one thing, we've got no…Australium, was it?"

"Really? Then who's at the forefront of th' world in technology an' such?"

"Depends on who you ask. America, Germany, Russia, France, China, Japan even."

"Strange. Well, why don't ya try t' shoot that gun o' yers?"

She pointed the gun at the target and pulled the trigger. She was unprepared for the level of kickback the gun gave her. She was also unprepared for the noise. "Ow…"

He laughed a little. "Hey, look on th' bright side, ya hit th' target!"

"Sorry, what did you say? I'm still deaf!" She mockingly leaned toward him and pointed at her ear.

They laughed for a moment. "Hey, Engie?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you do before becoming embroiled in all this?" Her hand gesture included all of the area.

His face sobered. "Ah...Ah worked at an oil plant, out down by Houston. It didn't end…well."

"Engie…" Philippe said, intending to stop his story.

"No, Ah want t' say. Ah've kept it a secret fer too long. Mah parents were there, Ah was showin' 'em around mah job. Some idiot musta done somethin' t' make it fall apart but… My darlin' ma's hat blew off, an' I went an' got it fer her. While I went an' got my ma's hat, the entire thing suddenly… jus' went up in flames… Ah was th' only one who wasn't dead. It was horrible…" Engie was looking away, but she still heard the barely present sob.

"I'm sorry, Engie." And with that, she began crying.

"Ah, darlin', there's no need t' cry. It's not yer fault-"

"Yes, there is need to cry. I had a feeling something bad had happened to you once, but…this."

"What-did Spah tell ya? Or Solly? I'm gonna rip 'em in ha-"

"Neither of them told me. I-I guessed," Phil interrupted him. She cried for a little longer, then asked, trying to breathe normally, "Who else knows?"

"Ah haven' told anyone. But Ah reckon Spah knows, an' Solly."

"Spy I understand, but Soldier?"

"Solly always seemed t' like me more than any of the others," Engie explained.

Philippe sat there for a moment, debating how to say enough and not too much. "Engie…" she said, looking away, "Solly doesn't know."

"Wha?"

"He doesn't. I was talking to him earlier." She then got up, picked up the pistol and loaded it. Her hands were shaking. She really didn't want to continue this conversation.

"Why- How-"

"Look, Engie, can we just drop it? This is for you and Soldier to discuss, I'm not going to be your go-between. Though you should tell him." She took a moment to try and calm herself.

"Why?"

She aimed the pistol at the target, shot, and hit dead center. "He, well, when I talked to him earlier, he seemed…lost. Confused. Bewildered. In his own head. And he…I think it's because of a specific person. So having someone who knows…I think it'll help. Besides...I was right. And once you tell him, he might say as much."

She put down the pistol and picked up the sticky bomb launcher. She shot once, hit the detonation button, and put it down, shaking her head. Nope. She then looked back at him, seeing that he had taken off his goggles and was staring at her. He had a goggle tan, and green-blue eyes that reminded her of the beach… She smiled, and sat down next to him.

"Yer mighty smart fer a little girl."

"Sometimes, I'm too smart. Sometimes, I wish I could be Scout and separate the world into black and white, or in this case, red and blue. But I haven't been able to for a very long time. I grew up quickly and now, I want to go back. But, I can't. I wish I could. But I'll never be able to."

"Yer the youngest of us all an' ya sound th' oldest."

"Technically, I'm not even born yet," she said, "I won't be born for another quarter of a century." She said this with a small laugh. "It's so bizarre."

"Ah hadn't even thought 'bout that," Engie said, with a little of his own laughter.

Phil laughed. "My dad, he was just born two years ago. Oh, Engie, what am I doing? My parents are probably thinking I'm being raped or I'm sitting in some alleyway with my throat cut." She just about tackled him, grabbing him for some desperate illusion of safety.

"Sorry Engie, but I really need comfort right now."

He jumped. _Predictable, just like Soldier._ Slowly he put his arms around her too, hugging her softly. She let go. "Sorry if that was a little…awkward."

"'S fine, Phil. Honestly, Ah expected it, sorta."

They continued chatting as they went through the rest of the weapons. She ended up eating the sandvich for lunch, splitting it with Engineer. Eventually, she ended up deciding to keep the pistol, the submachine gun, and the kukri. She despised the revolver and the sticky bomb launcher, and the bat and axe were just too unwieldy. The shotgun she would have liked to keep, but she couldn't carry everything. They finally came to the end of the list, the grenades. _Let's see what happens now._ Intending to tease him a little, Phil said, "And at the end of the list, are Soldier's donations." Almost imperceptibly, Engie jumped a little. _So, the feeling's mutual, even if they believe otherwise._ "Hmm, I've got his grenades. Let's see how well they work."

She walked over to the edge of the firing range and picked a particularly decrepit target. She pulled the pin and tossed it into the air. It bounced, rolling toward the target, settling at the base of it.

"Are ya sure this's a good ide-"

BOOM!

The target was on fire. It was the desert, so she didn't even move and watched it burn into nonexistence. Soldier, Scout, and Medic came running out, obviously expecting some kind of attack. They stared at her. Scout and Medic eventually returned inside, but Soldier remained and sat next to Engineer. They wordlessly watched Phil as she stood there.

"To answer your question, no. I'm going to take my stuff inside, and I'm keeping the grenades."

She turned away from the fire and gathered her things, returning inside. Engineer thought he saw tears running down her face, but all he did was stare at his hands. He knew she just wanted to leave.

In the shadows, a thin figure watched her. The figure then vanished. "Don't cry, _cherie_. Everything will be alright, you'll see." These words seemed to come from thin air, said with a self-doubt rarely found in the owner of the voice that said these words.

* * *

I've just hit a writing block. Crap. I have more chapters already written out, don't worry, but I can't figure out what to put after them. ARGH!

Criticism and comments are always welcome.


	7. Chapter 7

I apologize for my long disappearance. The plot bunnies finally came back (for now) when I enticed them in with cookies. They seem to like them. That and a) my life seems to have become a whirlwind lately, b) my computer gave me repetitive BLUE SCREENS OF DEATH (go die, Bill Gates) until I figured out the problem, and c) I need more sleep.

Obligatory disclaimer:

Phil: *laugh* Then, I asked-

**Ahem.**

Phil: Ah, sorry. Anyway, the Writer from the Black Lagoon doesn't own Team Fortress 2 or affiliated characters.

**Thanks. You were saying?**

Phil: So-Hey, you were spying on me?

Spy: Ahem?

Phil: Oh, give up. You enjoy spying; it's your job.

**Hey, it's an upside to being an authoress. Do continue.**

Phil: *sigh* Well...It was a Tuesday...

* * *

"Solly…Phil said I oughta tell ya at some point 'bout mah life…'fore Ah came t' th' Fort." Soldier and Engineer had wandered back inside and were sitting on a bench with a beer each.

"If you don't want to, you don't have to, Engineer."

"Thank ya, Solly, but Ah want t' tell ya." He then proceeded to relate the story of why he decided to work with RED to begin with.

"Engie…" Soldier growled. Engineer jumped-him too? "WHY DIDN'T YOU INFORM ME OF THIS MAGGOT?"

"Ah didn't want ta remember…" Engie looked away.

Soldier suddenly felt bad…but how was a manly American supposed to say sorry? "Sor-Sorry, Engie." He forced the word out with some difficulty. "I shouldn't 've made you remember." He mumbled. Engineer stared unashamedly. Soldier, apologizing? _What in tarnation…_

"But, well, I can kinda relate," Soldier said. "My dad hit me on the head with a stick when I do-did things wrong. My brother's in an insane asylum. It's surprising I'm not in one, but I went for the army. So they didn't care." He rubbed his arm awkwardly. "My dad…my brother stabbed him one night with a kitchen knife. He hit me hard enough once that I almost died. He's the reason I'm so…like this." He sighed. "I have the feeling she was right…about us both." _In more ways than one,_ Soldier added within the confines of his own mind.

"No kiddin'. Ah…Ah didn' tell anyone 'cause Ah figured most a' th' people here have problems. Why would they wanta hear mine?" _Never mind actually laugh after losin' her __dimension__... My problems hardly compare. _

"Engie?"

"Yeah, Solly?"

"I'm confused about something. When you want to hear someone's voice or their laugh or their silly jokes more than anythin' else…what does that mean?"

_No, no…no! _"It…it usually means you really miss them, or you love them…" Engineer choked it out.

"So, she was right about something else, too." He smiled a little. "I probably should have known."

"Wha? Solly? What was she right 'bout?... Solly?"

"Engie...Argh!" Without warning Soldier stood up and punched the brick wall that was located directly behind them. Cradling his bleeding knuckles, he said, "You. Just, you…you and why all those things are happenin' to me."

Engineer sat there, stunned beyond belief. It was his most amazing dream and worst nightmare all rolled into one day. After a minute of silence, Soldier moved to leave. Something inside of Engineer told him that if he let Soldier leave, it could never be fixed. Before Soldier could so much as move one more step, he grabbed Soldier by the shoulder and spun him around. He looked at Soldier, taking off first Soldier's helmet, then his own and his goggles. They both stared at each other for a moment.

"Thank goodness Ah'm not th' only one who feels that way, Sol-"

"My name's Jane Doe." He interrupted, making a face. "Strange name, but it's mine."

"'Kay, then…Jane. Ah'm Dell. Dell Conagher."

"Huh. Dell."

Soldier suddenly broke into a smile and hugged Engineer, who stood there in shock. He squinted, patted Soldier's head, and smiled. He thought it had been a Spy for a moment, Soldier was acting so out of character. He hugged Soldier back.

From the window, Philippe smiled and closed the curtain, turning around and humming. She really didn't want to stick around for much longer. That, and she should start making dinner.

When she heard a record playing from the lounge, she started singing along with it.

"If ya need me call me, No matter where you are, no matter how far;

Just call my name, I'll be there in a hurry, You don't have to worry, 'cause baby there-

Ain't no mountain high enough, Ain't no valley low enough, Ain't no river wide enough, To keep me from gettin' to you baby…"

She then heard someone starting to sing the guy's part:

"Remember the day, I set you free, I told you you could always count on me darlin';

From that day on, I made a vow, I'd be there when you want me, some way somehow…"

Spy then came out and laughed. "Somezhing to add to your list of accomplishments, _cherie._ You can do anyzhing, it seems."

"I could say the same for you!" she teased him.

"Well, I am zhe Spy, after all." He tried and failed to appear modest.

She snickered, then said, "Please, don't attempt modesty, it doesn't befit you."

"As you are _ma petite chou-fleur_, I must obey your wishes." He grinned and bowed with a flourish.

"Really, your little cauliflower?"

"Ah, it could use a little work…" _Merde. How does she do it? _

"Besides, weren't you dating Scout's mom? The other teams', I mean?"

"Oh, no, zhat ended a long time ago." _Under fairly unfavorable circumstances._ The thought sobered him for a moment.

"If you say so. What do you want for dinner? Within limits, that is?" Philippe asked, changing the subject. She had noticed his crestfallen expression, but decided not to comment on it for the time being.

"Hmm…Stew. I feel in zhe mood for a good stew."

"Good, I was expecting you to ask me for something ridiculous. Can you hand me over the chicken stock?" she asked him as she tied an apron over her things.

"Why, of course, _mademoiselle_."

She dignified this with a brief grin, gave a little curtsey, laughed, and continued making dinner.

Spy stared into the distance. _Hmm…_ _I wonder…_

"Hey, Spy? Stop thinking about your latest romantic conquest and help me steam the carrots!"

He grinned and complied. What else could he do?

* * *

Comments and criticism are always appreciated. In case it wasn't obvious, the song was "Ain't no Mountain High Enough" by Martin Gaye and Tammi Terrell.


	8. Chapter 8

God, it's been a while. This is my uber-long word vomit chapter. I apologize in advance.

Comment replies:

**Greentabbycat:** Why, zhank you! Sorry it's been so long... ^^;

**Ravenwisker: **Heh, I didn't do it much with this chapter, since I'd already written most of it. But I'll try. Yeah, I thought you might like it, and I can receive no higher praise.

**petery132: ***chuckle* Actually, his real name, as far as canon is concerned, is Jane Doe. Weird, yes. Dunno why, maybe cookies help me think. It's a good excuse! It will be, after this word vomit chapter.

**Zanna-chan: **Thanks!

**ben: **:) Good to see you approve of my weapon choices.

**ninja-zebra: **Hey, thanks. Nice name, too.

**krazy-kiki: **Yeah, I'm not alone anymore! WHOO! :D Thanks too, by the way.

DISCLAIMER:

Spy: Hon hon. Zhis- Authoress, why must I laugh?

**Because it's funny. Say the damn disclaimer already.**

Spy: *heavy sigh* Fine. Team Fortress 2 doesn't belong to zhat woman, and neizher do I, nor ze rest of ze team. She only owns Phil and ze story. Can I go now?

**Yeah, fine. Phil might want your help serving everyone anyway. **

Spy: *devious grin*

***laugh* *softly* This should be interesting...**

**And now for something completely different! It's...**

* * *

Philippe started serving dinner to everyone, finding a loaf of bread in a cupboard. She set out the butter and cheese, as well as the various varieties of beer, wine, and other drinks that the people at the table seemed to enjoy.

It was only when the rest of them came in that she realized the local loudmouth was missing. Engie and Solly were chatting on the way in, and when they split into their habitual groups, they positioned themselves so that they could glance at each other. Heavy quickly grabbed a large portion of the stew (she had made a huge amount, expecting this), Pyro politely took his and then left, as per the usual, and Spy delicately served himself, indicating for Philippe to sit down. She shook her head, pointing at the other table. Right on cue, Sniper strolled up.

"Hey Snipes-"

"Wot? 'Snoipes'?"

"Sorry…"

Sniper sighed. "It's foine, Sheila."

At the same time they both asked, "Where's Scout?"

"You too?"

Spy laughed at their identical expressions of surprise.

"Spy…" Philippe trailed off. "Wait, there he is. Why's he so late?"

She took off the apron and headed for the door. Spy and Sniper followed her, grouping behind her.

"Scout, stop!"

"What? I'm just fuckin' late!"

She marched up to him. She then stopped and growled. "Did you really spend your day in the forest and decide to irritate a skunk?"

Indeed, the Scout had gotten himself covered in skunk-spray. Spy gagged as the odor reached him, and Sniper sneezed.

"Mate, yer covered in th' stuff!"

"Zhat's disgusting."

"Leetle man need bath." She hadn't even heard Heavy come out.

"Take a bath now. I mean it Scout!" Philippe added when he opened his mouth to argue.

"I'm not gettin' fuckin' undressed in fronta you!" Philippe slapped her forehead.

"If you don't hurry up and take it I will have Heavy hold you down and somebody, it doesn't have to be me it could be…" she caught Spy's eye, "Sniper or someone else who will undress you, but if necessary I will do it on my own!" she threatened.

He pulled down his cap and growled, "Fuckin' stupid…fine."

"Sniper, please accompany him inside. Sorry to delay your dinner, but otherwise he won't take his bath."

"It's foine, mate. Dun worry 'bout it." Sniper said this with a determinedly cheerful smile.

"Thanks, Sniper. I really appreciate it." She glanced at Scout who had remained silent through the discussion. _Is he…blushing?_ She traded glances with Spy. "Come on, you two. Let's go eat. I'll leave your portions in the pot so it's still warm when you come down to eat," she added to Scout and Sniper as they entered. In the entrance hall, they parted ways, Scout and Sniper to the showers, and Heavy, Spy, and Philippe to the mess hall. "Oh yeah, Snipes?"

"Wot?"

"Burn the clothes, even the bandages, and get new ones. Thanks."

"All of 'em?"

"Yep. Unless you want to wash them, that is." He shuddered.

"You betcha."

Once Heavy had entered the mess hall and Scout and Sniper left for the showers, Philippe slumped against the wall. Spy looked on with some concern and asked, "Are you alright, _cherie_?"

"I'm fine, I just didn't expect to be playin' Scout's momma. Come to think of it, I feel like his Momma."

"What would the rest of us be?" Spy said with a smile.

"Hmm… Engie and Solly would be Grandparents, Scout would be the stupid, rebellious kid," Spy laughed at that, "Heavy and Medic would be the uncles, Snipes would be your brother, you…Dad? Uncle? I don't even know… Demo would be…oh, he'd be another uncle, and Pyro would be Scout's better behaved older sibling."

"Hmmm… Eef I were ze dad…zhen I would be married to you, no?"

Phil grinned and said, "Don't push your luck, or I'll make you Grandpa!"

"No, ze horror!" He laughed.

She joined him in laughter as she walked in to get her dinner.

When Scout and Sniper came down, Scout was red all over and Sniper had droplets of water covering him. Phil raised her eyebrow but made no comment on the two. She quickly served them, and they both dropped into their respective seats. Sniper started talking to Engie, and Scout struck up a conversation with Pyro, insofar as the word 'conversation' applied.

"So, Spy, since I don't think it's a good idea for me to be called 'Phil' on the field, what should be my class name?"

"Hmm…You know, I'm not sure. Laborer?" He poked Engineer on the shoulder.

"What, Spah?" Engineer clearly sounded annoyed.

"One of these days you're going to get chopped up and served in one of my stews, Spy, if you continue to call him that." Of course, Spy just smirked. "What should I be called on-field?"

"Momma?" Spy suggested. Philippe whacked him on the head. He snickered.

"Just 'cause I feel like your momma doesn't mean I want to be called that!"

Demo fell off his chair. "Th' Loch Ness Monster! IT'S COMIN' LADS!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Are we just goin' t' leave him there or are we gonna take him upstairs?" Engineer inquired.

"Can someone just wake him up?" Phil said with a tired sigh. "Scout, do you have to lick your plate clean?"

Spy laughed. Phil turned around before Scout could summon up a retort and said, "Watch it, Grandpa." She then turned back to her work, feeling immensely satisfied.

Spy sputtered incoherently. She grinned. "Scout, could you do me a huge favor and help me put away the plates?"

"Hell no! That's women's work! I'm not a fuckin' girl!" Scout yelled. He immediately shrunk under the identical glares of Engineer, Soldier, Medic, Spy, and Sniper. Before he had a chance to say any more, however, Philippe simply said,

"How childish. Spy, _s'il vous plaît_?"

Spy, although she couldn't see it with her back to him, smirked. He swept over, taking the clean dish from her hands and placing it in the cupboard. "My pleasure, _mademoiselle_."

She half-grinned, half-sighed at Spy, then said with a laugh, "My, I feel flattered, _monsieur_." She had the faintest tinge of red on her checks.

They both laughed as Spy took off his jacket and gloves and rolled up his sleeves to help her.

The rest of the room chatted behind them, both about this development between Spy and Phil and what her new name should be. "Phil? Wot 'bout 'Special Operations'?"

"Zat sounds _gut_, Special for short." Medic spoke up.

"Hmm. Special. I kinda like it. So now that we have that problem sorted out, what do we do for the rest of the evening?"

Of course, this immediately began another argument. "Never mind, I'm sorry I asked!" she muttered.

"Momma!" Scout yelled when Heavy began threatening to tie him to the flagpole by his ankles.

_Oh, for fuck's sake._

* * *

The men who remained in the main room were an angry knot. Medic was watching with mild distaste from a chair and attempting to get into a book, Spy was leaning against the doorframe and trying his best not to smirk too widely, and Sniper had gone outside, probably to smoke or simply revel in the peace and quiet. Pyro was allying himself with Engineer, who was trying to stop Soldier and Scout from hitting each other. Heavy was occasionally inputting a suggestion, and Demo had been woken up, dragged into the living room, and then left there to drink himself into oblivion. Phil remained in the kitchen putting the last of the dinner plates away; when she came into the main room, Medic motioned her outside.

"I have not given you ze access to respawn, _ja_?" When she nodded, Medic motioned for Phil to follow him.

"So, Medic; what did you do before you came here?"

"I worked in a hospital…of sorts."

"Doing what?"

He sighed. "_Ich…_I don't like to speak of zhat time, _bitte._"

"If that's what you want, Medic."

Uncomfortable silence passed for a few minutes as they made their way down a dizzying number of hallways. "Jeez. I'm going to get lost." Philippe remarked this offhand. She gave him a raised eyebrow when he chuckled.

"I remember thinking exactly ze same thing," Medic explained.

"By the way, do any of you have real names?"

"_Ja_…but I know only mine. It is a breach of contract to tell anyvun else."

"For some reason, I think it's already been breached." She muttered this low enough that he couldn't hear. When he gave her a curious look, she said instead,

"Well, you know mine. So, what's yours?"

"Wilhelm."

"Huh. So, Wilhelm, where did you go to school?"

"Mauthausen-Gusen." He said this shortly, bitterly. A part of Medic was hoping she'd just drop the subject, or not know what it was and ignore this fact.

"Ah." She only said that. She knew.

They had arrived at the infirmary, and he quickly got out the necessary materials. Taking off his jacket to make sure he didn't stain it, he measured out the correct proportions of the mysterious shot that would allow Philippe to use the respawn. "Zhis is going to sting," he warned.

She stared off into the distance, contemplating something. She jumped slightly when he gave her the shot, but made no noise. He turned around to fetch her a band-aid. When he had put it on, she grabbed his left arm and pulled up his sleeve too quickly for him to react.

On his arm, as she had suspected, was a series of numbers tattooed there.

She said nothing, only looked at him, allowing him to pull the sleeve back down.

_I vill dare you; Say anyzhing. Anyzhing! _He thought this bitterly.

But she remained silent. They returned to the main room, Philippe still trying to make sense of the confusing labyrinth of hallways.

Before they could reenter the main room, she stopped him.

He sighed. "Vhat?" he said, in something between a defeated and furious tone.

"I'm sorry." She said this while looking him straight in the eye. He looked a little surprised.

The Hallmark-esque moment was ruined by a crash from inside the doorway they were standing at.

Philippe rolled her eyes. "Five bucks it's Scout," she muttered. "Come on, I bet Engineer needs our help anyway."

She entered the room and took in the scene. Engineer was on the floor, woozily sitting up, while Heavy was holding Soldier and Scout up by the back of their shirts. Pyro was trying to pick up the pieces of a broken lamp. She sighed. "I really need to get paid for this. What happened?" she wearily asked Spy.

"Hon hon… Ah, _cherie_! Scout started to attack ze laborer to get to Soldier, eventually knocking him over. 'E 'it 'is 'ead on ze table with ze lamp, and knocked it over. Zhen, Soldier got very angry and started trying to rip Scout in 'alf. 'eavy zhen lifted zhem off ze floor," he explained, sounding far too amused about the entire situation.

_Spy…_ She growled to herself for a moment, then walked over.

"Scout! What in the HELL were you thinking? Do you just have cobwebs up there?" She just about shrieked it.

The room stared at her. She growled to herself for a moment and asked, "Would someone explain what they were fighting over?"

"Leetle men were fighting over what to do this evening." Heavy said this matter-of-factly.

Engineer tried to stand and fell over. Medic walked over and started bandaging the cut on Engineer's head. "Thanks, Medic. Here, Pyro, let me do that." She sighed. "Heavy, let them down but make sure they don't fight again, please." He considered this then dropped them on the floor. Scout swore nastily, while Soldier just picked himself up and walked from the room. She blinked. _Oh, joy. Who do I deal with first?_ She dumped the broken shards of the lamp in the trash and walked over to Scout.

"I would like to talk to you. In private." Philippe glared at him, daring him to say something. For once, a sense of self-preservation kicked in. "Oh, and Heavy? Please make sure Spy stays in here." She smirked when she heard Spy swear under his breath and dragged Scout from the room.

Phil, at this point completely and utterly fed up with the entire situation, gave Scout a thorough telling-off. He eventually recovered his tongue enough to snap, "Fuck off! You're not my Momma!"

"I'm starting to feel like I am, string bean!" She retorted. Then she sighed. "Scout. Don't fight in the lounge or I'll ask Heavy to sit on you. All right?" Phil said, suddenly feeling very tired.

He grumbled and muttered. "Fine." He finally said, cursing under his breath.

She sighed. "All right, Scout. Go tell the others I'm turning in, will you? Thanks."

He walked back in the room, cursing frequently and angrily.

She slumped against the wall for a moment, then wearily traversed the distance to her room, having completely forgotten about Soldier. She landed exhaustedly in her bed and considered sleeping in her clothes, but then undressed and slipped under the covers. Engineer was the next one to retire to bed and noticed the door ajar. He warily entered and found her sleeping peacefully. He withdrew from the room, locking the door behind him.

_Sleep well, little lady. You're goin' t' need it. An' Ah hope mah head isn't gonna cause problems tomarra…_

* * *

Well, what did you think? This is me trying to get Phil further away from Mary-Sue territory. She's got very obvious flaws, as you can see, including, when roused, a VERY nasty temper. I'm also trying not to write myself into her, although I can see myself (easily) in her. But I also see a bunch of other people there, so I didn't completely write her off of me...I think.

Thanks to a friend of mine (who most assuredly isn't reading this) for giving me the Momma idea. Not putting up his name, he'll be stalked if I do.

I've always favored the idea that Medic wasn't a Nazi doctor, but a student under one in a concentration camp to survive, which really messed him up. It seems, well, truer to the Medic I see during gameplay. That, and it'd explain his attachment to Heavy in some terms, probably something about a life-debt, without going into romantic territory. You could interpret Heavy and Medic's interactions as slash, if you want. I'd rather not, personally, consider the idea, so I didn't make it explicit.

I probably won't write porn in this, but I'm not closed to the idea. There will be some implied, but probably not written because I'm not any good at it.

I have to love "'E 'it 'is 'ead", because it's just too funny.


	9. Chapter 9

First off, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Merry Whatever-the-hell-you-celebrate. Sorry it took so long, but this is a loooooooooong chapter. Think longcat long.

Since I'm too lazy to write an entertaining disclaimer, TF2 and all affiliated characters belong to Valve, I own Phil and the storyline.

EDIT: Fixed an inconsistency, thanks to Zanna-chan!

* * *

"OI! Sheila, you best be gettin' up 'round about now or else I'm gonna come in an' wake ya up!"

"Five more minutes…" Phil murmured, then jerked upright. "I'm up! I'M UP!" She yelled when the pounding continued.

"Took ya bloody well long enough," he replied, returning downstairs to finish his morning meal.

"Shut up," she growled, throwing the covers off and dressing.

Entering the kitchen, she found the kitchen devoid of her morning batch of Soldier, never mind of any chatter whatsoever. Upon her entrance, the noise began, but she picked up two pans and clashed them together. The noise stopped abruptly. Wordless, she pointed to Soldier's empty chair.

Engineer spoke first. "He didn't come back after he an' Scout had that spat of theirs last night. Ah'm startin' t' get worried."

Scout shifted, combinations of guilt, anger, and worry flitting across his face, as much as he tried to hide it.

Heavy spoke with his rumbling voice. "Da, he seemed very unhappy after angry fight. Leetle BLU babies will have advantage today."

She poured herself coffee and drank half of it down in one gulp, before picking up two slices of bread and some bacon to make herself a sandwich with, because bacon is too good to miss. She took a bite and walked for the door.

"_Cherie_, where are you going?"

"To find him, of course," she said, then taking a bite and swallowing. "You think I'm leaving him out there? Besides, if I'd remembered to look for him, this wouldn't be a problem. You lot do whatever you want. I'm finding that moron."

Engineer stood up and opened the door for her. "Thanks, Engie."

They set off through the base. All of the remaining eyes were on Scout, who appeared to be having an internal argument. Finally, he stood up, and yelled, "Fuckin' fags!" before sprinting out the door.

Sniper chuckled and sauntered off behind him, while Spy smirked and vanished.

* * *

She and Engineer checked the roof, where they found a snoring Soldier. They chuckled quietly, not wanting to wake him up. Philippe grinned a Cheshire Cat smile when she got an idea. She snuck up behind him and poked him in the stomach, then dived to the other side of the roof.

Her dive proved useful as Solly yelped and then threw a punch in the space where she had been a moment ago. Engineer started laughing full out, and was joined by Philippe. "Solly," Engineer laughed, "you're ticklish?"

"SHUT UP MAGGOTS!" he yelled, his face turning a red color where Phil could see it.

The entire base ran outside to the sight of Soldier chasing Engineer and Phil around the roof while Engineer and Philippe were trying not to laugh too hard.

"Hey idjits!" Scout yelled, "It's time t' start the fuckin' match! Comin' or what, fags?"

They stopped chasing each other around to quickly grab their things before the round started. They arrived at the entrance as the Announcer called: "Mission begins in five minutes!" Engineer quickly broke off to discuss strategy with Spy and Soldier moved to talk with Heavy. Phil decided to talk to Scout, as she was increasingly feeling bad about yelling at him last night.

"Hey, Scout," she said, sitting down beside him.

"Whaddya want?" He sounded as if he were sulking.

"It's a free country isn't it? If you're not sure, I'm certain Captain America will give you a thorough talk about why it must be so."

He laughed quickly, as if he hadn't been meaning to. He promptly scowled at her. "I'm not warmin' up t' ya, d'ya hear me!"

"If you were any louder, BLU could hear you," she pointed out, both bemused and amused. "And we wouldn't want that; just imagine what they would think."

He chuckled, this time freely. "Yeah, I-"

"Scout. I'd like to apologize. I'm not your Mom, and, well, I shouldn't have yelled at you last night."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I need somebody t' give me a good kick in the ass, once in a while, y'know." He rubbed his arm, obviously feeling awkward about the conversation.

Catching on, she asked, "So, what do we do here? Kill them all as fast as we can?"

"Nah, nothin' so easy. We gotta stand on a point an' make sure they don't steal ours."

"Got it. So…what am I supposed to do here?"

"I dunno. Oh yeah! I was s'posed t' give ya this yesterday but forgot. Here!" He tossed a bag into her lap. At her questioning look, he elaborated, "It's a headset, see. I'm giving you one of mine for the day."

"Thanks, I guess." She took it out and put it on under her cap.

"Why're ya puttin' it on under yer cap?"

"It'll hide my hair better," she explained. "At least I hope it will."

"Oh."

"So, any tips or tricks to give me?"

He immediately launched into a fully articulated list. She almost asked for paper and a pen. "Don't let that BLU Spy get behind ya else he'll stab ya, the other Pyro's nuts, don't get near him. It's gotta gun that'll set ya on fiah, an' th' Engineer's gotta robotic hand, I mean holy fuck, an'-"

He continues to ramble as she sits there, letting the snatches of advice she understands sink into her mind. She eventually becomes conscious of the laughter she hears over the headset. Looking around, she identifies the source as Sniper.

She grins back at him, before checking the clock on the wall. She pokes Scout. "Sorry to interrupt your ramble, but I believe we are expected in this battle that will be taking place in a few moments."

He grinned back at her, more feral than before. "Time to take these fags down."

She blinked taken aback by his sudden change in mood, then gave him a quietly dangerous grin back. "Let's do this."

She strolled over to Spy and gave him a look that said, quite clearly, 'Now what?'

He grinned, saying, "_Cherie_, you seriously doubt your ability?"

"What do you think?"

He said nothing, but handed her a watch. She looked at mild puzzlement at what he gave her for a moment before blinking and looking up at him. "Really?"

"_Oui_."

"Okay. And Spy?"

"_Oui?_"

"Thanks."

Just then, the starting bell rang, saving Spy from having to reply. RED charged out with a dull rumble splitting up to engage individual enemies. She tagged along with Engineer, deciding to make sure he survived for a while. Shadowing him out of sight, she made sure she was hidden from sight by anyone. BLU had not yet arrived, and she knew they would be yelling if in contact with the enemy. Engineer set up a sentry as fast as he could. He had gotten it to level three when a Heavy came barreling around the corner with a roar. As quickly as he could, he began building a dispenser, but she knew he wouldn't finish it in time. She started unloading into the Medic, knowing that when he was dead the Heavy would be that much easier to take out.

After 30 seconds of carefully remaining out of the Heavy's line of sight, the Medic fell, and the Heavy soon followed. Engineer looked around, puzzled, probably wondering why it was so easy to kill the Heavy-Medic combo, but said nothing. Scout ran through, looking grumpy at something. The BLU Demo followed the Heavy-Medic combo, but the Soldier saved the day, dispatching him without any major incident, though Engineer almost lost the Sentry.

The RED Demo ran in, out of breath. "Engie, laddie, och, they're ready t' make a new 'tack on th' poin'! We nid ya oot the'e."

Phil began to creep quietly down and unsheathed the kukri, knowing from his expression he hadn't noticed the blue cloud forming around the Spy. Quietly, she sneaked up behind the sneakiest of them all.

"'Right, Demo. Ah'll be right out, soon as Ah figger out where that darned Special happens t' be at. Better not have run off."

The Spy halted. "Who-" he began to say, but was silenced by the swish of the kukri.

"That'd be me."

"Special! Where-what?"

She pointed down at the BLU Spy's headless body.

"Ah-wow."

_"What the fuck?"_ Scout asked over the headset.

"Special, here, killed th' BLU Spy afore he could stab me an' sap mah sentry."

_"Dayuum! You got it!"_ Scout yelled.

Phil laughed.

_"Scout! Wot's yer problem? This is a proper-"_

"Ahem."

_"Ah, roight…"_ Sniper mumbled, embarrassed. _"Sorry 'bout that, Special."_

"Anybody need backup?" Phil asked.

_"Mmf!"_

"I'll assume that's a yes."

_"'E's over at ze cabin, fighting ze 'Eavy and ze Soldier."_ Spy's voice drifted through the coms in a murmur.

"On it." Phil ran out as quickly as she could toward where she thought the cabin was from the maps Soldier had shown her last night right after dinner. I hope he's over here… She ran out in the open to see the BLU Heavy and Soldier shooting mercilessly at the RED Pyro. Shooting round after round into the Soldier as quickly as she could, he only took a few moments to dispatch. The RED Pyro fell, and she began firing at the Heavy without pause.

_"Special, moi scope's on th' back of yer head. Lure 'im inta yer line of sight an' Oi can get 'im,"_ Sniper said through the coms.

She said nothing, preoccupied with dodging the Heavy's bullets, but nodded, hoping he'd notice.

"Come on! That the best you can do? I've seen better out of your Spy, Fatso!" She taunted him. Angered, he stepped right in front of her. Running to the side so the Sniper could get a clear shot, she fired the pistol at him to distract him before diving behind a wooden cow. Why did they put in a wooden cow? Moments later, she heard the booming CRACK of the Sniper's rifle and the Natascha the BLU Heavy carried spin to a stop.

_"Noice, mate."_

"Thanks. Just wish I'd done it sooner."

Before he could respond, she heard, _"PRIVATE, MOVE!"_

Without thought, she threw herself sideways, just missing the distinctive swish of the Spy's knife. Angered, she drew her kukri, but Soldier got there first. The BLU Spy exploded in front of her before she could slash at him. Thrown backward by the explosion, she flipped in midair to land on her feet before dashing away from the BLU Pyro who had appeared out of nowhere. Turning sideways, she took out her SMG and fired at the Pyro before dashing away toward the RED side of the battle field. She had a bullet lodged in her shoulder and a hole through her left hand, but she ran faster than she'd ever run before.

Panting, Special collapsed next to Engie's dispenser, exhausted. Engie took one look at her and began rummaging in his toolbox. "Sorry, Special, but Ah need t' get th' bullet outta yer shoulder afore you can sit near mah dispenser. Otherwise it'll heal with th' bullet still in there."

She nodded and moved away from the dispenser, propping herself against the wall, bracing herself from the wave of pain that came as soon as she moved away from the dispenser. She gasped-it was worse than she'd feared.

"Cherie,_ are you injured?"_

"Yeah, I've got a bullet in my shoulder and a hole in my hand."

_"Private, take better care of yourself!"_ Soldier's growl rumbled through her headset.

"Honestly, when Engie's done, I'll be fine. I don't know why you're making such a fuss, Pyro died just a few minutes ago."

"Doesn't mean ya should be reckless, missy. Now, Ah gotta take a lookie at that shoulder 'f yers."

"Right."

Once he had removed the bullet from her shoulder, she returned to the dispenser, sighing as its healing properties washed over her. She also restocked her ammo-she had used up all her ammo for her pistol extremely quickly. She remained there for some time, taking out the Spy again, this time noticing him coming from a while away and shooting him in the head through his disguise as Soldier. For goodness sakes, she could hear Soldier yelling over her com, while the Spy was silent. Rolling her eyes, she sat back and relaxed while the dispenser healed the holes in her. Engineer began regaling her with tales of his childhood while she sat back and relaxed. Once she was healed, she stood up and loaded her pistol.

"Demo sounds busy, I'll go help him out."

_"Demo's over at th' same place ya were earlier, Special."_ Sniper murmured.

"Got it, on my way."

_"Lass, I'm fine, ye don- Augh!"_

"Yeah, right," she grumbled, running toward the spot, "and I'm not a lass." Weaving in case the BLU Sniper tried to headshot her, she added, "But don't call me that! I'd rather not wake up to the BLU Spy in my bedroom one night."

_"Dumb French fag, he did that t' me once. Pyro had ta set him on fiah t' get him t' leave!"_

"That's so comforting Scout. Thanks for sharing." She heard several laughs and sniggers over the coms.

She rounded the corner and saw Demo squaring off with a Soldier/Medic combo. She took the obvious route of "take out the Medic!" and started shooting at him, dodging the rocket the BLU Soldier sent her way. After a few minutes of dodging and shooting, she managed to lure the Medic onto a bunch of stickybombs, which the Demo promptly set off. With the Medic removed, the fight was skewed in their favor and lasted approximately 30 more seconds, as BLU Soldier ran right into a grenade. After helping the Demo back to Engie to recuperate, she ran into the BLU Pyro, who seemed to hold a grudge-he promptly set her on fire, which, combined with her scream, was her last sensation until the welcome blackness of respawn.

After a break, she found herself stepping out of what was essentially a glass tube, trying not to shiver. If that wouldn't give you nightmares, nothing would. After saying, "I'm back, what's going on?" she found herself attacked with a hug from Scout, who had just emerged from the tube next to her. "Th' last thing I heard was yer scream, man. Fuckin' scary." She looked at him, then smiled and gave him a hug back. After another second, he realized what he was doing and backed away.

"I am NOT warming up t' ya! Damn it!"

She started laughing. "Scout, give up, you know you are!"

He scowled. Sniper laughed over the coms, adding, _"Special's got ya there, mate. Good t' have ya back."_

"Thanks, Snipes. What's happening?"

_"I dispatched ze Pyro (Spy said this with vehemence) and ze Sniper. I believe Sniper 'as killed ze Scout, and 'Eavy and Medic got ze Demo and ze ozzer Medic."_

_"Ah got th' Soldier, an' Ah think Ah got th' Spah, but Ah'm not sure."_

_"I personally dispatched the Russian Commie MAGGOT!"_

Special exchanged glances with Scout-some things never changed.

"Where's Pyro and Demo?"

_"Demo got hit by a stickybomb from th' BLU Demo, an' we haven't heard from Pyro."_

_"_Non_, Pyro was shot by ze BLU Sniper."_

"Where's the other Engineer?"

_"I'm working on it, 'e never seems to look away."_

"We gotta take him out before the others respawn."

"Hell ya, chucklenuts, here I come!"

"Wait-Scout, do you have Bonk?"

"Yep, right here!"

"'Kay, now here's my idea-"

After agreeing on the details, they both ran off toward the BLU side, Special struggling to keep up with Scout until he became irritated and scooped her up in his arms with barely a pause.

Grumbling, she waited until they were near to jump out of his arms and asked Sniper how to get into the vent. He gave her directions and she crawled in, listening for the beeping and whirring sound of the sentries.

When she had found the room he was waiting in, she carefully removed the vent and whispered, "Go!"

Scout yelled, "HEY!" then ran through the room after chugging down the can of Bonk, which allowed him to dodge the enemy fire. At that moment, Special took out her gun and unloaded at the Engineer. She required the distraction provided by Scout so the sentries wouldn't notice her. After he slumped to the ground, motionless, she moved out of the line of sight of the sentries and said, "Coast is clear. Scout, get out of there. Don't want you to get fired at."

After a moment of silence, Spy said,_ "Alright, _cherie_, ze coast is clear for you."_

Jumping down out of the vent, she saw Spy shed his disguise as the BLU Sniper. She nodded and moved to capture the point as Scout ran in. Alarmed by his shout, she twisted, seeing the BLU Spy losing his cloak, a sadistic smile on his face as he raised his knife-then he suddenly slumped sideways, a hole in the side of his head. She turned to see Spy standing there, his Ambassador drawn and smoke curling from its barrel, something that looked like…anger, perhaps…on his face. She looked at Scout, who was also staring at Spy with disbelief.

"Guess I owe you now." The words surprised everyone, including Phil.

_"Wot's goin' on?"_

"Ze BLU Spy was 'iding in ze shadows and almost backstabbed Special, but I shot 'im first."

"Dayum! Guess the French frog got some heat!"

_"Boy, you better be shuttin' that mouth of yers afore I wash it out with soap again."_

_"MAGGOT, HAVE RESPECT FOR YOUR TEAMMATES! EVEN IF ONE OF THEM IS A FRENCH FROG!"_

Spy sighed and Phil laughed, while Scout grumbled to himself as they capped the point.

"Victory!" the Announcer said, her voice ringing out.

They all returned to their base, where, because they had won the match, they would spend the next day relaxing as the BLU team set up a series of defenses for the next point.

"Al-RIGHT!" Scout cheered. "Hey, Special, you wanna go inta town?"

"Whoa, whoa, Scout. How are we even going to get into town?"

"Uh…" Obviously, Scout had not thought about this part of the plan.

"If you could even call zhat place 'town'," Spy scoffed.

"Oi, mate, let's find an answer t' that question first, eh?"

"Well, I do need…certain articles of clothing…that I both hope you don't have and don't wish to know if you do."

"What kinda 'articles of-' OW!" Scout rubbed the back of his head where Engineer whacked it.

"None o' yer business, boy! An' Ah gotta truck, an' Ah need t' go inta town fer some parts, so Ah'll take ya."

"Thanks Engie." She stretched. "Oh, I should probably start dinner," she noted, seeing it was half past four already.

"Don' worry 'bout that, Ah'm gonna barbeque tonight."

"You sure? Cause I could still make something."

"Hmm…Well, Ah'm gonna make chicken an' corn on th' cob. D'ya want ta make mashed potatoes?"

"Sure, I'll get right on it," she said, smiling warmly at him.

He grinned back as they split up to put their stuff away. Phil placed her pistol and her SMG in her closet and propped the Kukri against the wall. She stretched and looked at herself in the mirror. The cap had fallen off somewhat, but it wasn't very noticeable that she was a girl. She took off her headset and stuffed her hair back under her cap, just in case the BLU Spy paid a visit. "So, you owe me now, _oui_?"

"Of course I do," she replied, not even turning around from where she was standing at her window, "You saved my life."

"_Non_, not really. You would 'ave been picked up by respawn, after all."

She turned around. "You know being set on fire was the worst experience I've ever gone through? Worse than killing five people, worse than watching the BLU Heavy gun down our Pyro, worse than running 150 yards with a bullet in my shoulder and a hole in my hand and having Engie take the bullet out. I'll avoid respawn if I can, if it's all the same to you."

He nodded and turned around. "You should probably get moving. Scout will be ransacking ze kitchen right now."

"Son of a-" she growled, before seeing Spy walking away, his back turned.

"Spy?" she called.

"_Oui?_"

"Just so you know, if I can save one of you by being sent to respawn, I'll do it."

She waited for a moment before turning toward the kitchen. She hadn't even gone two steps when he asked, "Why?" Spy sounded honestly puzzled.

"Because you're the closest thing I've got to a family. I'm…I'm never going home. I have to accept that as a fact. And isn't that what families do for each other? Save each other?"

She didn't wait for an answer, because by that point tears were streaming down her face and she struggled to keep it from her voice.

She started walking away but was halted by a touch on her arm, causing her to jump. _Damn he's quiet!_

"_Cherie_, I…are you…crying?"

She refused to look at him, but he ever-so-gently tilted her head up until it was obvious she was crying. She yanked her head away, but Spy wrapped his thin arms around her in a hug. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry you had to land 'ere."

She chuckled, but it was still watery. "I'm not." She wrapped her arms around him in return and they stood there for a few minutes. Then she began to head downstairs, wiping her eyes as she went, shadowed quietly by Spy. After all, she had her some mashed potatoes to make.

* * *

SAPPINESS GALORE! Well, you know what? DEAL WITH IT, MAGGOT!


	10. Chapter 10

Hey everybody! It's been (how long again?) since I updated... Oh well. I can now add to an extraordinarily large list of things that annoy, anger, or just plain PISS ME OFF! That includes erratic beeping (damn the librarians), sheltered children (I mean, seriously!), sinus infections (the reason for my absence-well, kinda), antibiotics (ick), and do I even need to continue?

Disclaimer:

Phil: Seriously? Do you even need to say anything here?

**My thoughts exactly, but I'd prefer not being sued in the near future, thanks.**

Phil: Ugh, fine! All that the Writer from the Black Lagoon owns are me and the storyline below.

**Yeah, sorry I have to keep making you do this.**

Phil: Couldn't you just update it all at once?

**I wish! I've got a chapter or two ahead written out, but nothing that I'm going to post anytime soon!**

Phil: Eh, hurry up! The end's my favorite part!

**Fine! So demanding!

* * *

**

After peeling and setting the potatoes to boil, giving Spy strict instructions to only let the potatoes boil for 15 minutes, Philippe went to go take a shower. First visiting her room to get a change of clothes, she decided to take her usual shirt as well as the khaki pants and sneakers she arrived in.

After she finished, she towel-dried her wet hair and braided it before putting it back under her cap. Once she was dressed, she returned to the kitchen to find Spy staring at the pot. Noticing her arrival, he said, cheerfully, "_Ma cherie_! Good to see you are feeling better."

"Thanks, Spy," Phil said. "How long has it been?"

"It will be 15 minutes…now," Spy said just as the timer went off. Phil grinned and went to get the potatoes off of the stove. Spy then moved to help her, saying, "'Ere, let me 'elp you with-"

Phil and Spy found themselves face to face. "-zhat." After staring at each other for a long, tense moment, they heard a loud set of footsteps stomping toward the kitchen. "MAGGOT!" **(A/N: Solly! It was just getting good!) **

Hastily jumping away from each other, Spy sat back down at the table and Phil grabbed the pot off of the stovetop. Phil was a bright shade of pink, and even the Spy looked embarrassed. "Solly, Ah think ya need t' calm down."

"Engie, the MAGGOT won't stop stealing my goddamned shovel!"

"Solly, look, Scout's jus' a kid. Leave 'im be."

"I will admit zhere is no love lost between ze Scout and I, but 'e is right, Scout is a child still," Spy drawled.

Phil, searching through the cupboards, added, "It's probably his way of asking for attention." After locating the food processor, she stood up, only to whack the back of her head on the edge of the cabinet. "Ow!"

Standing up, she found the three men staring at her. She shrugged. "What? He's isolated from his family and he, like you said, is still a child. He wants to be the center of attention, but doesn't know how to do that without irritating everyone."

"Th' heck d'ya figure that?"

"I hav-had younger cousins and siblings. It's almost disturbingly familiar." To prevent further conversation, she quickly turned on the food processor. Engineer, at something of a loss, walked over and put his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged his hand off and continued staring at the potatoes. He looked at her sadly. She was keeping up very well, but he knew very well that she would crack under the pressures and warfare. He patted her arm, albeit awkwardly, and backed away. The food processor whirred to a stop.

Haltingly, Soldier said, "Private...ah…"

It was at that moment she gave up holding the tears in. She ran for the door, faster than the three men in the kitchen could react.

The Spy stood. "Gentlemen." Vanishing, they could hear his footsteps fading away.

Soldier turned and looked helplessly at Engineer. "I's no' your fault, Solly. The li'l lady jus' gotta get herself together. All we can do is be there fer her." He sighed. He stood there, the picture of a defeated man, his head slumped and his shoulders slouched. Soldier fidgeted for a moment, wondering what he could do. Then a moment of inspiration hit him.

Engineer started at the feeling of Soldier's arms wrapping him in a hug. "What-Solly?"

"I remembered the Private did this an' it helped some. I was hopin' it'd do th' same for you, Engie." The words were barely audible. Then he mumbled something that sounded like, "Stupid maggot."

Engineer grinned a sad smile. Soldier was so unpredictable. It was part of what made Engie…love? lust after? him. Somehow or other, though, it did make him feel that much better.

Phil, however, continued to have a bad day. She ran through the base, neither knowing nor caring where she was going. She couldn't see and she was choking on her tears, but she needed to keep running. It mattered little where she went or how she got there, but she had to keep going. Then maybe this horrible truth wouldn't catch up. She heard a shout of astonishment from someone and a shout of "_Fräulein_!" from Medic, but didn't so much as pause.

Scout turned out to be the person she ran into. "Special, hey, I was hopin' ta run inta y…Hey, are ya cryin'?"

Special made a sound that could have been a laugh but sounded more like she was choking. "F-fast o-o-on the upta-a-ake aren't-t ya S-s-scout."

"Ah…heah, why don'tcha come this way?" He steered her down a hallway and toward what looked to be a storage room. He opened it, and her suspicions were proven correct. He gave her a bright orange office chair to sit on and perched himself on a crate.

"Okay, S-scout. Why we-ere you hoping t-to run i-into me?"

"We-well, I-uh…ah, fuck." Scout found himself speechless for one of the only times in his life.

Philippe sighed. "Is i-it Snip-per?" She asked, still recovering from the heavy crying she had just been doing.

Scout fell off of his crate in shock. "How-how'd ya know?"

"Luck-ky gue-ess." She smiled, although water was still running down her cheeks.

Picking himself up off of the floor, he dusted himself off in embarrassment. "Yeeaaah. I-well, I dunno-but I thought, yer a girl, an' girls are better wit' all this feeling stuff an'…well, an' I'm just confused."

"En-enlighten me-e."

"I-I well, I…Shit, this's harder than I thought it'd be."

Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself. "You saw, you wanted, you confused yourself, and it hasn't go-one away. No matter how ha-ard you try."

"Yeah, that's it. Fuck, this don't make it easier…"

"I-I'm pretty sure I'm the only one to notice except Spy and maybe Pyro."

"Spy-spy noticed? Fuck, why didn't he say anything?"

"Who knows? I-it's Spy, after all."

Sniper heard voices from inside one of the storage rooms. He paused, and would have considered continuing walking on except that he heard two voices from inside; a feminine voice that could only be Special and a quick talking voice that had to be Scout. But why were they talking in a storage room, of all places? He took a deep breath, then inched near the door and pressed his ear to the keyhole to hear what was happening inside.

He was right, it was Scout and Special.

"Okay-okay, you're going to be Sniper, but-but don't fuckin' say anything."

"Got i-it." Her voice was quavering-she must have been crying, Sniper realized.

"Al-alright. Uh, um, Sniper…AGH! This's so hard."

"Yeah I-I know. Just try…try to be honest."

"Okay. Sniper…I, uh, well, shit, I've been havin', well, weird feelin's around you an'…an' I think I…might fuckin' like ya."

Sniper almost blew his cover by falling over. As it was, he was surprised those inside the room hadn't heard his face turning a bright shade of red. Scout was having feelings-for him? He considered it for a moment, then grinned. Standing up, he walked away before anyone came by or before Scout and Special found him eavesdropping. He headed off to his room, singing inside.

"God save th' Queen!" He laughed, causing Engineer, who was passing by, to look at him funny.

"Sniper, what's got ya so happy? Though Ah ain't complainin', 't's been a while since Ah seen ya smile like tha'."

"Nothin', Truckie. Nothin' at all." Whistling a merry tune, he continued down the hallways. He hoped Scout told him soon.

Engineer shook his head. He'd finally noticed, huh? "Jesus Christ, took 'im long 'nough."

Back in the storage room, Special was congratulating Scout.

"Good, Scout. Now you gotta tell him about it."

"Right. Shit, how'm I gonna do that? Hard enough tellin' you, an' you already knew. What 'bout Sniper?"

"You just gotta do it. Look, have you ever done something that scared you enough you nearly peed your pants but you knew you had to do it? At some point, you have to swallow your fear, get it over with, and hope for the best."

"But what'f Sniper never talks to me again, an' it gets awkw'rd, an' he tells everyone I'm a fuckin' fag, an'-"

Scout seemed on the edge of hyperventilating. She sighed. SLAP!

"Ow! What'd ya do that for?"

"Quit whining! Do you like him or not? You know you'll have to tell him eventually."

"Well, ya know, it doesn't make it any easier!"

"I could disguise myself as our Sniper and you could try telling me, _oui_?"

While Scout gaped, Phil sighed. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to see 'im confess."

Rolling her eyes and turning back to Scout, Philippe continued, "Look, Scout. You have to try. Otherwise, he'll never know. And even if he does know somewhere in that head of his, he might need you to tell him."

"Yeah, you're right. I gotta tell him." He looked absolutely terrified but determined. Phil felt sorry for him-she knew this was going to be hard.

"That's the spirit! Now, tell him quickly, before you lose that thought."

"Got it. Thanks, Special!" He tossed her a high five, which she returned, and ran toward Sniper's room.

"You know zhat Sniper was listening in?"

"Well, I knew somebody was listening in. I wasn't sure who it was, though."

"Ah. So, _cherie_, are you feeling better now? Zhat's twice you've cried." Someone who didn't know Spy as well could have sworn there was no feeling in that voice, but Philippe couldn't help but think that he sounded just a little worried.

"Yeah, I think I'm done, for now at least." She laughed and walked past him. "Oh, I hope Soldier doesn't blame himself. So, Spy, you make it a habit to follow me around?" She was grinning, but she kept it from her voice, turning so he couldn't see her face.

"Ah, um, well, _cherie_, I, ah…" Spy was stammering. It took all of her self-control not to giggle. **(A/N: Yeah, OOC much? *whacks self on head with stick*)**

"I think it's sweet that you care." She interrupted his attempt at an excuse, turning and flashing him a grin. "Now we should probably go help Engie, right?"

"Ah, _oui_." He said, and if anyone could see past the mask he was wearing, his cheeks would be a lovely shade of red. He only smiled, but inside he was singing the same glorious song as Sniper.

* * *

I hoped you, out there in TV land, yes you, enjoyed the latest installment of the story.

And finally, to Ravenwisker- No, fuck YOU! *grin*


	11. Chapter 11

***farms mushrooms***

Spy: Eh, Black Lagoon...

***mumbles* What?**

Phil: Are you alright?

**Just fine. **

Phil: Riiight...The only things that belong to the Writer from the Black Lagoon are me and the storyline that follows. Everything else belongs to Valve.

**Oh, yeah. Sorry this is so late, but I had two chapters written and then they were deleted by a third party...And I had to write them again... *sob***

Demo: Ah, lass, 're yoo okay?

***ignores* *farms mushrooms***

Phil: Come on, let's just leave her alone. Enjoy, everyone.

* * *

Whistling a tune, she grabbed the mashed potatoes from the kitchen, covering them with foil so they wouldn't get cold(er). Spy promptly lifted them off of her hands, saying, "It would be 'ighly rude of me to stand zhere while a _mademoiselle_ does all of ze work."

"Thanks, Spy." She gave him that innocent, happy grin again and led the way out toward Sniper's camper, where Engie was barbequing. After the barest pause, he followed her.

"Hey, li'l lady. Good t' see yer feelin' better!" Engie said, cheerfully. "Those th' mashed potatoes?"

"Yep! So where's Soldier?"

"Dunno, why?"

"No reason."

"Ah thought Ah saw him headin' up ta th' roof." He said, still curious.

"Thanks Engie!" She ran off to the roof to look for him.

"Hey, Special!" She paused.

"Yeah?"

"Tell him t' come down, an' that Ah made him some ribs!"

"'Kay!"

Spy asked, "Ah, where do I put zhis?"

"Righ' over there."

Spy put the potatoes down at the indicated table, and sat down.

"So," he drawled, "you and ze _Soldat_, hmm?"

From where he was sitting, he saw the back of Engie's neck turn a bright shade of red.

"'Ave you told anyone?"

"No…Ah know she knows, an' Ah know now tha' you do too. But nobody else."

"Are you planning to tell anyone?"

Engie turned around to give him an incredulous look. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Engineer changed the subject.

"So, Spah…what 'bout you an' Special, hmm?" He was obviously poking fun at him.

"What about it?"

"Don' give me tha', Spah. Ah can see tha' she's got ya an' got ya good."

The Spy remained silent for so long that Engineer thought he must have ignored the sentence.

Finally, he said, almost too quiet to hear, "_Oui_."

"Admitted it, huh? Ah'll admit it, Spah, you've changed. You used t' be, and still are sometimes, a complete bastard. Now, you've gone kinda soft. But it wasn' just her. It was afore tha'."

"_Oui_," Spy affirmed.

"Was it Scout's ma? Ah heard she was shot."

"_Oui_. But she was not just shot. She was killed by a RED assassin, one I did not recognize. Zhat is why I 'ave gone, well, soft, as you say." Spy's voice sounded heavy, almost broken. "It was natural, I suppose, for 'er to be targeted. It does not mean I enjoyed watching 'er be shot... Zhere are not many things I regret, but zhe decision to involve myself with 'er is one of zhem."

_Wow. Looks like everyone here's got guilt, though Spy's not the type I'd peg for it._ Another long silence followed. Engineer decided to again change the subject.

"Yeah, I dunno what it is, but these companies strike me as funny. Because th' other Soldier looks just like ours, same with th' Demo, th' Medic, th' Heavy, th' Scout, even th' Spah. Ah've never seen th' other Sniper, an' with th' Pyro, who knows?"

"_Oui_, Laborer, you are right. Ze Sniper also follows the pattern, and ze ozer Engineer. But, you are not exactly ze same."

"Really?"

"Well, ze ozer Engineer made 'imself a metal hand, and ze Scout is quieter and likes ze Yankees, not ze Red Sox. Ze Soldier is louder and ze BLU Spy is far more amateurish than I. Ze Demo is less of a drunk, and ze Medic is…absolutely insane. Ze Heavy likes a different gun and has a…relationship…with ze Medic. Ze Sniper is grouchier and even ze Pyro is different, but I can't put my finger on it."

"Huh. An' the Administrator's always yellin' at us. Remember back a while ago, when th' lady was always a-yellin' somethin' like 'Friendship ends in 5' or sommat?"

"_Oui_, I believe it 'ad something to do with ze ozer Soldat and our Demo, zhough I do not know exactly what."

"Wow, Spah. Ya admitted ya didn' know somethin'. Ah should take a picture."

"Laborer, don't make me 'urt you."

Special found Soldier in his favorite place-on the roof. "Hey, Solly."

"Ah, hello, private."

"So, how are you? You seem…off."

Soldier stared off into the distance for a while. "Are you back to usual standards, private?" he asked, avoiding the question.

"Yes, thank you." Phil stared at her shoes for a moment, before asking, "Alright, Soldier, what's bothering you? And if you say nothing, I'll ask Scout to make it his personal mission to annoy you, if it hasn't been already."

Soldier almost smiled at the joking threat. Giving in, he replied, "I…never learned how to talk to people. Or really…how to behave rationally." His tone had changed. It was…almost gentle. No, it wasn't gentle. It was sad.

"Well, you do have to learn sometime, may as well be now. And honestly, who here would ever behave rationally?"

"You do have a point there, private. But…I don't know. I feel like I'm letting everyone down."

_And by 'everyone' he means 'Engie' in particular._ "Well, I'll never judge you, though I may laugh. And I know Engie wouldn't judge you either."

"Fine, but…how do you know?"

"I guess you're going to have to trust me on that. Besides, Engie's a good person, for the most part. I don't think he could do that."

After he said nothing, she sighed, then decided she couldn't do anything but feed him. "Alright, Soldier, that's enough introspection for today. Now, Engie's making you some ribs, and if you don't beat everyone down there they'll be gone. Get going, I'm getting everyone else."

He considered it for a moment, then stood up. Apparently, ribs were too important to miss.

She decided to find Scout and Sniper first. Getting near Scout's room, she heard rather…let's say explicit noises coming from inside. Deciding not to enter, she settled for banging loudly on the door.

"OI! We're kinda busy in 'ere!"

"Do you want dinner or not? And what should I tell them if you don't show?"

Philippe heard grumbling from inside and then the door cracked open and Scout's head popped out.

"Snipes sez t' tell ya that we'll be at dinna a little late, an' t' tell them tha' we're takin' a shower."

"You better hurry up," was all Phil managed in reply as she attempted (in vain) not to blush too brightly.

Dropping by Medic's office, she found the older man playing the violin. Beautifully. Carefully opening and closing the door so as to not disturb him, she perched on the tall stool someone had left in the corner and listened to him play.

It was a sad song, mournful and beautiful. It reminded her of a long-ago funeral that she attended and mourned at. The day was picturesque in a dreary fashion, and she knew that the person she mourned for had had a long and full life.

But that hadn't made her tears any less real, or her sorrow less deep. But she knew that his long suffering was finally over, and hopefully he had found the heaven he had searched for. Perhaps not, but perhaps he had.

Because, you see, the person she mourned had given in after a struggle with Death that had lasted longer than she could remember. So she knew that when his heart stopped beating, he left this world with a smile and a sense of peace. So the day was full of a mix of happiness for his final rest and sadness for his suffering and for her loss.

Just like this song. Medic must be remembering his family. The family he had to leave or the family that he stood at the graves of, if he was even that lucky. At least I know where he's buried; Medic probably doesn't even know what happened to them, and, in a way, I'm glad if he doesn't. It would be too painful for any man to watch his family die in his or by his hands.

She didn't cry. But she sat in quiet mourning for the broken man who played before her.

When the song was finished, she stood and clapped. He turned, appearing shocked-obviously he had been far too wrapped up in his music to hear her enter. They watched each other for a long moment. Then his mouth twitched in an ironic smile and he bowed.

"By your presence, I shall assume zhat ze Engineer has finished his vork. Gut, I am extremely hungry."

"You play beautifully."

"Danke schön, Special. It is one of the few skills of which I am proud."

"I see. Do you know where Heavy might be?"

"Ah, nein. Have you checked ze sitting room? He likes to read, zo…"

"Ah, I see. Thank you. They are out by Sniper's trailer."

They parted ways to remove the awkward attempt at conversation from the air. Phil knew that Medic didn't dislike her, and she certainly didn't hate him either. But the mutual secret they held made the air tense. I will not tell anyone unless he wishes it; it probably is too painful. That, she swore to herself the day he told her where he learned his craft.

Stopping by the lounge, she saw Heavy reading. And well. His eyes darted across the page, and she could see the book was written in English. Heavy hides a secret, too. It seems everyone does. She cleared her throat to get Heavy's attention.

"Heavy, dinner's been made. Engie's out by Sniper's camper, and you should probably head out or Soldier will eat it all." She grinned. "Either that, or Soldier and Scout will beat you, and there will be really nothing left."

"Da, you are right."

"What are you reading?"

"Ah…It nothing. Let us eat, da?"

"Sorry, but I still have to find Demo and Pyro. Have you seen them?"

"I think Demo in courtyard and Pyro in room."

"Alright, big guy. See you at dinner!"

Although Phil was beside herself with curiosity, she decided not to pry. She knew that it was likely that it wouldn't matter-the secret would come out; that, and she didn't want to risk the happiness of someone else for her selfish wishes.

Running back to Pyro's room she knocked.

"Hey, Pyro, dinner!"

Shuffling came from inside. The door opened revealing a sleepy-looking boy with burn scars up one side of his face, and Phil could see they continued down his neck to where she couldn't see them. The boy had dark skin and darker eyes and a haircut Soldier would be proud of.

"Alreaaaa-" After finding himself cut off by a yawn, he restarted. "Already? Alright, I'll go get ready."

"Since I've never seen you before, I'll assume you're Pyro."

"Huh?" His hands patted his front and his face. "Ah, shit."

She laughed a little. _One more secret to hold_, she thought with some bitterness. _Seems to be all I do around here…_

"Is there a reason you don't show yourself?" She asked it bluntly, without even the pretense of tact.

"Look at me, I've got a burn scar covering half my face and there are more you can't see!" He suddenly sounded angry. Very, very angry, as if this was an old grievance he wanted to bury underground and out of sight.

"Out of sight, out of mind, huh?" When Pyro continued to glare, she continued with a small smile, "Did you really think anyone would care all that much? You're the Pyro, after all. And besides, you've got teammates who, honestly, aren't much better. Sniper's got scars galore, Spy requires a mask to exit his room, Soldier doesn't show his eyes by choice, and Engie's not much better. Besides, I think you'd be better than Scout any day-don't tell him I said that, though."

"You think so, huh?" He still sounded bitter.

"Well, Spy might be disappointed you're not a, ah, _petite chou-fleur_."

At this, he finally laughed a little.

"Look, honestly, all you can do is say it and hope it turns out for the best."

"Yeah, I guess."

Phil sighed. She suddenly felt old again. "Anyway, dinner's out by Sniper's camper. And before you say something, you can tell them, or not. Honestly, I keep everyone's secrets anyway."

With that, she ran out to find Demo. Pyro was left staring after her.

"Right…" But as he went back inside to get his mask and his suit, he hesitated. Shaking his head at himself, he grabbed the suit and mask. "Stupid…"

Demo was drunk (surprise) on one of the benches inside the courtyard. Special ended up pushing him off the bench to wake him up. Not only was he drunk, but he was a deep sleeper. Sigh…

* * *

**Aren't secrets joyful?**

**Alright, I hate this chapter. It is now my poop chapter.**

**Don't judge me. *continues mushroom farming***


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't actually have an excuse for the lack of updates. I ran out of ideas for a while and took a break...and the break lasted longer than I thought it would. I'm back now and have most of the end written out-I'm working on the epilogue right now. The entire thing will be uploaded before 2012. **

**This is the beginning of the end, just so you're aware of it. **

**The song is 'Plaisir D'Amour' by Joan Baez. **

**All content aside from the song, Phil, and the storyline (which belong to Joan Baez, me, and me, respectively) belongs to Valve.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

All of them had gathered together at the outside table near Sniper's camper. Pyro waddled out of the building and sat down near the rest as Demo staggered out and dropped onto the bench, nearly toppling the bench and everyone on it.

A chorus of shouts arose as Engie yelled over the noise, "Alrigh', take yer plate!"

The plates vanished almost instantly, leaving just three behind. Spy lazily took one, while Special and Engineer took the others.

"Sorry about the potatoes, they're probably cold by now…" Phil said with a sheepish grin.

"Nah, tha's alrigh'! Ah imagine tha' mah food's prolly the same by now, an' they're already finishin'."

"Zhey are quite good, and your food, Laborer," at which Engie scowled, "is superb, as usual."

"Why, thank ya kindly, Spah," Engineer said as sarcastically as he could muster.

"Thank you, Spy." This was said while suppressing a chuckle.

Pyro said, "Yes, the food's very good. Thank you."

Scout fell off the bench while Sniper drew his kukri and Soldier choked in shock. Engineer ran to help Soldier while Medic paled and Heavy jumped, catapulting Demo off the bench, making Medic run to check if he was alright.

"Thank you…Pyro."

The entire bench (except for Spy, who had continued eating through the commotion) turned and looked at her.

"A pity, I wouldn't 'ave minded two ladies to balance out zhis team of…gentlemen. A pleasure," Spy finally said.

Philippe chuckled quietly. "Told you."

Pyro laughed. "Guess you did, huh?"

Sniper abruptly sheathed his kukri and turned to help Scout up. Scout stared at Pyro as Sniper blithely continued eating.

Demo abruptly laughed, "Lad, why didn' ye say not a thin' befoore? An' Scout, ye, ye look like a wee fluffy sheep!"

Scout blushed and yelled, "Shut up!" as the others laughed.

"Tarnation, boy, why'd it take ya so darn long?" Engineer chuckled.

Solly coughed and just said, "MAGGOT! DON'T DO THAT WHILE PEOPLE ARE EATING! PARTICULARLY RIBS!"

Pyro just laughed and continued eating as everyone gradually settled down and started eating again.

The chatter came across crackly and incomplete on the television, but the figure staring intently made no move nor any signal that it cared.

"This girl will ruin everything I have put together…how did she even get there?" a voice hissed.

"But she will be easily disposed of…she has little combat training…she has required respawn already…" the voice continued, seemingly reassuring itself. "Nothing will be simpler…"

"Yes…nothing simpler…"

* * *

Special, after helping Engineer clean, stretched out in the living room. She looked over at the records that adorned the bottom shelf of the bookcase and decided to look through them. Since a good half of the sleeves were unlabeled, it required her to open each sleeve to look at the titles. Some she recognized, while some, she just had no idea about. One, however, caught her eye. All the center pictured was a flower, and the cover was completely featureless.

Out of curiosity, she put the record on.

Starting with a harp, the record then began to sing.

_Plaisir d'amour ne dure qu'un moment_

_Chagrin d'amour dure toute la vie_

_The joys of love are but a moment long_

_The pain of love endures the whole life long_

_Your eyes kissed mine, I saw the love in them shine_

And the song suddenly, abruptly stopped.

Philippe's eyes, which had drifted closed, shot open. The Spy was standing over the record player, and he seemed to be breathing heavily.

"Spy?"

He stood there, saying nothing.

"Spy? What's…what's going on?"

"It…it is nothing."

"Spy…don't lie to me."

"It is nothing! Do not pry into things that are nothing of your concern, foolish girl!" The yell echoed.

Philippe flinched slightly at these words.

There was nothing but silence in the room. Engineer and Soldier stood in the doorway as Sniper joined them.

"I see. I believe I will retire to my room now. Good night." The words sounded flat, dead. Philippe's face was a mask, impenetrable.

She walked up to her room and quietly shut the door.

"Spoi, that moighta have been the stupidest thing you've eva done. An' that's sayin' a lot, mate." Sniper then left.

Engineer looked at Soldier, who looked back at him hopelessly.

Spy slowly drew back from the record player and lowered himself onto the couch. He tilted his head back and placed his forearm over his eyes. Engineer slowly walked into the room, closely followed by Soldier in case Spy did something else unexpected.

"Please, just leave me be. _Mon dieu_, I am such an imbecile," Spy croaked.

"Spah…ya need ta apologize."

Spy did not move.

Soldier briefly considered yelling at the Spy but dismissed it. It wouldn't work…

"Fr-Spy, y-you need to apologize. It-It's not fair to Phil if you don't. Special was only trying to help you. I-I know y-you care about h-the private. S-So…show some kindness back."

Spy stared at Soldier in astonishment. His eyes were wide. The forearm slipped away.

Spy seemed to catch himself and promptly stood. He adjusted his vest without a word and swept out of the room.

Soldier looked at Engineer. "Was-was that good?"

Engineer smiled. "Ya did it, Solly."

The Spy, now cloaked to avoid embarrassment, walked up to Philippe's room. The door was open.

_The door is open. THE DOOR-_

He slid into the room to find a figure with a knife.

Without thinking, he tackled it. They landed with a thump on the floor as Philippe shot upright in bed.

She was greeted with a figure dressed in black lying on the floor, who was being assailed by an invisible force. The invisible force was revealed to be the RED Spy as his cloak fell away.

_S-SPY? What…_

Then the black figure, now able to see its opponent, gained the upper hand. It kicked Spy off, throwing Spy into the dresser and grabbed its knife. Spy lay prone as the figure moved closer and lifted its knife-

**BANG BANG BANG**

The assassin fell to the ground as Spy watched it. Philippe held her pistol in a shaking hand. She looked…angry, and perhaps confused. Spy noticed tear streaks and felt suddenly awful.

"Now I owe you, I believe." Spy immediately wanted to shut his mouth for saying something that stupid.

Philippe blinked at him for a moment. "Spy…" Spy immediately stared fixedly at the ground.

"_Ch-_I apologize. I was unspeakably rude and insulting earlier. I-"

"You saved my life. I don't think apologies are necessary. Though they are nice." Spy's head had jerked up to look at her the moment she spoke.

They stared at each other in silence for a moment until the door was flung open by eight well-armed men.

"Phil! Are…you…?" Heavy began.

"The fuck?" Scout asked.

"Boy…" Engineer warned.

"Are either of you injured?" Medic asked.

"I think I'm alright…I'm not sure about Spy…"

"I…appear to be in one piece."

"Who's the intruder?" Pyro asked after no more words were said.

"I have no idea…"

Spy finally looked at the intruder properly and his eyes widened.

"The assassin…"

* * *

**The plot thickens! **

**DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN!**

**There might be a happy ending...sort of...maaayybe...**

**We'll see. **

**On a random side note, the actual storyline of this chapter (according to the doc manager) has 1,212 words. Make of it what you will. (According to Microsoft Word, however, it has 1,166.) **


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm not sure I like this chapter...but I never like wrapping up stories, so I guess it's to be expected. **

**Phil: Ooo, does anything interesting happen this chapter?**

***smirk* Maaayyybeee...**

**Scout: Damn it! Just freakin' tell us! We're the characters.**

**You're not my character.**

**Phil: Yeah, you just own me and the story. Everything else is Valve's. **

**Precisely.**

**Phil: So, are you telling me then?**

**Just read it if you want to know.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"The assassin? Ya don't mean…"

"Yes, the very same!"

"Please explain." Despite the wording, it was not a request. The two men turned to look at Phil.

"Ah, well, Ah, Spah? Ah mean, it's yer story t' tell…"

"_Oui_. Let us first, 'owever, remove zhe body."

"Put him in zhe hospital, zhen I can vork zhroroughly."

"Heavy, would you please?"

"Da. I am much bigger than leetle girl. It is good you are safe."

"Thank Spy," she replied. Those who had been present earlier turned to look at her in astonishment. She smiled as if she didn't know what they were thinking about. They seemed to get the message.

"Come on, let's get going! I wanna heah this freakin' 'story'."

"May I please change into my clothes?" The men looked slightly embarrassed.

"Ah, roight, sorry."

"I will…remain 'ere, to ensure 'er safety."

"Outsoide, mate."

"_Oui_, _oui_," Spy replied, rolling his eyes.

The rest left, though Sniper and Scout still shot suspicious glances toward Spy until they were out of sight.

Philippe opened the door and stepped out, now fully dressed. She carried her Kukri on her back and her pistol in her belt, and was wearing her armed sash. "Would you like to stop for your weapons? I noticed you weren't wielding them."

"Ah, _oui_." The Spy seemed to be staring off into space.

Spy opened his door and walked inside his room, slightly surprised when Phil entered behind him and astounded when she shut the door. "Wha-"

"What's wrong?"

"Wrong?"

"You're staring off into space, you don't seem to be…here, you're rather distracted…"

"Don't worry about it."

"Too late."

"What?"

"I worried about it when you ran in-ran, something I don't ever see you do-to stop that song. I got more worried when you exploded. More worried still when you jumped into a fight without your weapons, with no backup, thoughtlessly when it would have taken you fifteen seconds to get them."

"I…for zhe last, I 'ad no idea if you'd still be alive when I got back."

"Spy…"

"For zhe first two," he continued, "it was…'er…favorite song."

"Who…her? Oh…." She paused, then continued, "The assassin killed her, didn't he?"

"_Oui._"

"I see…I'm sorry. I didn't realize…I was bringing up painful memories."

"No, _cherie_, I'm sorry. I should 'ave explained, not yelled."

They lapsed into silence, each feeling forgiven.

"Spy?"

"_Oui_?"

"What do you look like? Under your mask?"

"Devilishly 'andsome, of course."

"Can I be the judge of that?"

"….No."

"May I ask why?"

_Because I'm not devilishly handsome after all…_ Which made Spy pause. Usually, his excuse was that he couldn't afford to give away his identity. He stored it in the back of his mind.

"Not if you expect an answer." Philippe half-smiled at that.

She stood and walked over to stand in front of him.

"You know…I'm so tired of secrets." At the last word she leaned up, lifted Spy's balaclava and gave him a peck on the cheek. Faster than Spy could react, Phil was opening the door and standing in the doorway.

"Well, are we leaving?"

Spy smirked, removing his hand from where it rested on his cheek. "Of course, _cherie_."

He walked over to where Philippe stood and rested his hand on her shoulder. As she turned, he leaned in-

"Oi! Lovebiords! Ya comin' or what?"

The two froze, turning to see Scout standing at the top of the stairs.

Special blushed wildly and hid her face under her cap, as Spy retreated looking embarrassed.

"_Oui_. _Cherie?_"

Philippe looked up at him, face still bright red. It took her a moment to realize that he had completely shed his balaclava.

Spy had striking blue eyes, but she had already known that. His hair was a chestnut brown, and his skin was very fair. He had a somewhat prominent nose and a scar on his left cheek. She also realized that he'd kept his back to Scout this entire time.

She gave him a bright smile in return.

"Let's go. I'm sure it's not only Scout who is impatient."

* * *

Scout bounced into the lecturing room, dropping down into a seat next to Sniper. Spy, balaclava back in place, walked to the front while Philippe chose a seat near Heavy.

The room's chatter slowly died down to a low murmur.

"Gentlemen. A while ago, I was…in relations with the other Scout's mother."

Spy told his tale, skimming over some areas and focusing on others.

"About three years after we met, she was targeted by an assassin. A RED assassin-'e left using a RED teleporter that then self-destructed. I was in disguise, so I couldn't go after 'im. Nonetheless, I recognize 'im quite clearly from the scar over 'is eye, 'is face and 'is height."

The room was dead silent.

"Somethin' jus' ain't right, here. He's a RED assassin, ya said?"

"_Oui_."

"Then whah's he attackin' Special, here?"

"I only wish I knew."

"I…I have a feeling that the Administrator is…displeased with my presence."

"What?" The word left several mouths at once.

"I…" Phil looked at Spy briefly, then returned her gaze to the table.

"This is not…the first time I've heard of the RED and the BLU. Please, let me explain before jumping to conclusions." She did not look up-the silence was so loud, it was hurting her ears.

"Spah? Did you know about this?"

"…Yes."

"I told him…but I asked him to keep it quiet."

Scout asked the question that was on everyone's minds. "Why?"

"Because….because the information cannot but damage your timeline. I can't share everything, so bear with me."

"…this better be good." Pyro almost whispered it.

"In my world…you are part of a game. Imagine watching a movie with you as the characters, except you can control the characters. I have no idea if everything is consistent, though a good deal seems to be."

The silence was suffocating.

"Travish? Do you remember that…fiasco with you and the BLU Soldier?"

"…Aye."

"It…it was a setup. All of it. The Administrator was enraged you two were becoming friends…so she played a game. A game that ultimately tore you two apart."

The silence was painful.

"She also…watches everything you do, I believe, in a room of giant monitors. I have no way to tell you where the cameras are, or what she watches, or when, but I know she watches a lot."

"She's probably watching right now." The comment came from Soldier.

"'E's right."

"We should get out of the building."

They all stood. The Engineer hefted his toolbox into his arms…

And they ran.

* * *

**So... what do you think? Comments, questions? Random dialogues? **

**I like this storyline so much that I may do random one-shots in the life of the characters afterwards, but what do you think? Comment or send me a private message-whatever you like. **

**And I think you really, really like cliffhangers...so you're getting more! Have fun!**


	14. Chapter 14

This is the second to last chapter and the last cliffhanger. Not everything will be answered but a good majority of it will.

* * *

Spy woke. His shoulder ached powerfully. He felt a weight on top of him, and someone was talking nearby. Something was wrong. What was it? Something…

_The Administrator._

He cracked his eyelids open slightly, to be greeted by Special's face. Her cap had not yet fallen off, surprisingly, through all that had happened.

Special stirred slightly. She, looking for all the world still asleep, tilted her head toward the Spy. Her eyes opened slowly to meet his.

"What's going on?"

"Don't know-don't move."

She whispered, "Name."

He looked at her for a moment as she lay on top of him. At that moment, the voices became louder.

"They're stirring. Another dose of the gas."

"Yes sir."

They did not sound like anyone on either team. Sure enough, when Spy glanced to the side, the BLU Soldier rested there.

Philippe whispered again, "Name."

The Spy whispered as he fell into unconsciousness, "Michel."

* * *

Phil woke once more. She lay on something comfortable, something…supportive. She lifted her arms to rub her eyes-but couldn't.

Her eyes shot open. She stared upward at inky blackness. She tried to lift her head forward for a better look-but found herself limited, as her upper arms were also bound. Her legs were bound as well.

She wanted to scream but stopped herself as an image of the Administrator appeared.

"Girl. Stupid, foolish girl! You messed everything up! You destroyed it! Now you will pay your price!"

And just like that, she vanished.

Philippe was aware of the sensation of momentum for a moment before her carrier came to a halt, flipped upright, moved sideways, then dropped her into a dark featureless room.

A bright light was focused on her as she dropped. She landed on her side and rolled to her hands and knees. She scrambled upright and searched around the room for features, movement, something.

"I assume you would like to see your comrades-in-arms?"

Special spun angrily. "What have you done with them? Where are they?"

"Oh, they're with you right now…" the voice chuckled.

The lights of the room flicked on around her-to show her both teams, bound and inside small, separate chambers. Each had arms and legs bound and glass in front of them. As she watched, the glass retracted to allow the inhabitants to wake. A voice spoke behind her.

"You should have never meddled."

Philippe spun, seeing the Administrator stand there with two guards flanking her.

"You…you monstrous _bitch_! What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you? Fighting, killing, why? Just because you made some friends," she hissed.

"You control the killing and fighting. Some comment from you-"

One of the guards, face immobile, punched her, sending her tumbling across the room. Some of her teammates, as well as some of the BLU, shouted in alarm.

"Phil!"

"Ah, yes, 'Phil'." The voice stilled the room instantly. Special glared. "Otherwise known as 'Special Operations' or, more simply 'Special'."

"Yes, a pleasure to meet you too, Administrator. Interesting name you've taken, there." She placed as much venom as was possible into those words.

"Special. You think you're….special?"

"It's catchy, it's flattering, and it's accurate. What else do you want in a name?" Special smirked. Across the room, some of RED and a few of BLU chuckled.

The other guard moved forward, drawing a knife. He threw it directly at her head, and she threw herself sideways behind a control panel. She adjusted her cap quickly so her hair wasn't showing and looked for something usable as a weapon. The knife clattered on the floor next to her. She grabbed it and a convenient desk chair, which she threw at the administrator. One of the guards got in the way just in time. One of the chair's metal arms embedded itself in the guard's chest-which arced electricity as the guard fell over.

Robots!

Like I didn't have enough to deal with, Special thought as she dodged the remaining guard's swipe. Seeing an opening, she lunged in with the knife and embedded it in the robot's chest. The robot sank to the ground.

However, in the course of her fight, she had lost a crucial part of her disguise. Her hat now lay on the floor, and her hair trailed down her back.

Various members of RED muttered curses.

"Perhaps I should just call you Philippe from now on."

"I don't know," Phil said, picking up the hat, "I think I prefer Special."

She tucked her hair into the hat and turned to face the Administrator.

"So tell me… did you do some cloning recently?"

The Administrator glared.

"Dell Conagher. Mr. Doe. Travish DeGroot. Engineer, Soldier, Demoman. Did you not even have enough respect to name them differently?" Raw fury was creeping into her voice.

"Respect doesn't come into it. Foresight, perhaps, is a better word." The words were cold, heartless, sneering. A few of the team members flinched.

"Well, the cloning obviously didn't work perfectly."

"What?"

"You heard me. Oh, they look the same-almost exactly-but they're different people. You can't get around that."

"A temporary flaw."

"A temporary flaw? You can't even control their friendships! RED Demo and BLU Soldier became friends, against all odds, then you were forced to lie to them to get them to fight! Everything you told them was a fiction!" Her anger was making her voice shake as she hurled the words at the figure before her.

The BLU team was completely silent at the news.

"They broke their contract."

"You are sick and twisted." She spat the words as irately as she could at the Administrator.

"Enough," the Administrator said, after silence reigned for a few moments. "You have destroyed my work. It's time to pay the piper."

The Administrator drew a gun and Phil took cover behind the control panel she had used earlier-just in time to see electricity arc into the wall where she was standing.

Shit.

After a moment of shocked silence, the RED Scout and the BLU Sniper began to curse.

The RED Spy was leaning precariously forward, hoping to see anything. His face was terrified.

Suddenly, Special jumped out and grabbed the gun. The Administrator backhanded her, sending her flying, hitting several buttons and levers along the way. The Administrator pointed the gun at Phil and pulled the trigger.

An arc of electricity came out as Phil screamed. The Administrator laughed and pulled the trigger again…only to meet with no result. She looked more carefully at the gun, seeing that Special had jammed a piece of metal into the machine-it was completely useless now.

Philippe chuckled. Breathing heavily, she taunted, "Out of weapons? Guess now it's fair, hand to hand combat." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the group's weapons spill out onto the floor in the corner.

The Administrator laughed again. "Not a chance." Pulling out a second gun, she shot Philippe.

Philippe's body jerked, then slumped as the last of her life left her body.

The two teams were shocked. The RED Spy fell backward into his chamber with a defeated expression and closed his eyes.

The Administrator screamed in triumph.

She walked over to the control panel and pulled a lever, causing Philippe's body to drop out of sight.

* * *

Nothing else to say, I'm uploading the next chapter now. Thanks for reading.


	15. Chapter 15

Last chapter. Thank you all for reading, commenting and reviewing. I'm still not sure if I'm doing the team-related oneshots, we'll see.

* * *

There was a moment that was empty. White noise dominated many of the team member's brains.

_It can't be. She…she tried….she tried to warn us…and look what happened. It's just not FAIR!_

Several weapons suddenly flew across the floor, bouncing and rolling to rest in front of the teams.

The Administrator froze. The teams, sans the RED Spy, stared in astonishment at the sight.

The Administrator's gun fell from an unresisting hand where it bounced out of sight and reach.

All of the restraints came undone simultaneously, dropping each of those trapped onto the floor.

Almost to a man, every fighter there scrambled up, grabbed his preferred weapon, and pointed it directly at the Administrator.

The RED Spy alone remained where he had fallen on the floor.

"Three…" the BLU Soldier growled.

"Two!" the RED Scout yelled.

"One," the RED Engineer said.

They all fired.

Not one missed.

The gunshots died away.

_Fzzzzzush!_ **(A/N: Fail uncloaking noise…. T.T) **The line turned as one as Philippe materialized out of the air.

Phil turned to see a line of men looking at her with astonishment.

"Ph-Phil? Izzat you?" the RED Sniper asked, bewildered and hopeful and astounded all at once.

Phil smiled and nodded, turning toward the RED Spy.

"Spy?" she asked softly.

The Spy flinched. "You are not real. I saw you die, you are a figment of my imagination." His eyes were closed, his body still.

Phil sighed and walked over, kneeling next to the Spy.

"Spy…look up."

The Spy slowly, almost unwillingly opened his eyes and looked at her as she removed a golden watch from her pocket and dangled it between her fingers.

_He said nothing, but handed her a watch. She looked at mild puzzlement at what he gave her for a moment before blinking and looking up at him. "Really?" _

_"Oui." _

_"Okay. And Spy?"_

_"Oui?" _

_"Thanks."_

_An arc of electricity came out as Phil screamed. The Administrator laughed and pulled the trigger again…only to meet with no result. She looked more carefully at the gun, seeing that Special had jammed a piece of metal into the machine-it was completely useless now. _

_Philippe felt, as she heaved herself upright, a small, hard object in her right pocket._

_Philippe chuckled as her hand snuck down. Breathing heavily, she taunted, "Out of weapons? Guess now it's fair, hand to hand combat." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the group's weapons spill out onto the floor in the corner, having hit the appropriate button to open the safe containing them. _

_The Administrator laughed again. Philippe knew what was coming and braced herself to jump sideways."Not a chance." Pulling out a second gun, she shot the faux Philippe as the real, now invisible, Philippe jumped out of the way._

_Philippe's body replica jerked, then slumped as the last of its 'life' left its body. _

_The two teams were shocked. The RED Spy fell backward into his chamber with a defeated expression._

_Philippe, as she watched the teams look shaken, then miserable, as she watched the RED Spy's hopes crumble, apologized internally to them all. _

The Spy jumped up and embraced Special in a hug.

"_Merde_…Don't ever scare me like zhat again. You 'ear me?" It was mumbled into her ear.

"Got it…Michel." The last word was whispered for his benefit.

"Special an' Spy-y sittin' in a tree-"

"Shut yer mouth, boy."

"SHUT UP MAGGOT!"

This immediately began an argument that neither Special nor Spy paid much attention to, as they were otherwise occupied. Special was having a hands-on lesson in what, exactly, French kissing was.

Obviously, she was planning on continuing the lessons.

Michel and Philippe withdrew from each other. Michel stood up, pulling Philippe up with him.

"Alright," Philippe said, grinning from ear to ear, "Let's blow this joint."

* * *

"We've gotta split up, you know."

"Yeeeaaahh, but why ya gotta go wit' Froglegs?" Scout glared suspiciously over at the RED Spy.

Philippe laughed, cutting off the Spy's retort. "I think you and Snipes will get along just fine," she said. "I wouldn't want to get in your way," she added, barely suppressing laughter as both the RED Sniper and the RED Scout blushed, though the latter more brilliantly so.

The teams sat together in an airport, having long split up into small traveling groups. The RED Sniper and the RED Scout would be traveling together to Boston from the airport they currently sat in. The money and clothes the spies had procured from…somewhere in the building turned out to be immensely helpful, though it made Special laugh when the RED Soldier, the RED Scout, the RED Sniper and the RED Engineer all stood outside the room she was changing inside to keep watch.

The Engineers, essentially tinkering with what they still kept, had, on the way to the airport, made a number of wireless communicators for each member of both of the teams.

The BLU Spy and BLU Scout would travel together, as would the BLU Medic and the BLU Heavy. The BLU Soldier and the RED Demo had decided to repair their friendship (Philippe hoped they weren't arrested too quickly) while the BLU and RED Pyros had decided to stick together. Surprisingly, (or perhaps not) the BLU Pyro had turned out to be a girl. Apparently there had been something of a mix-up in the cloning room.

"Good to know I'm not alone," the BLU Pyro laughed with a lopsided grin. Both giggled at some of the more awkward romances in the group, forming an instant bond.

The RED Engineer and RED Soldier would stay together, as would the RED Medic and the RED Heavy. The BLU Engineer, the BLU Demo, and the BLU Sniper would be traveling as a group, as well as, obviously, Philippe and the RED Spy.

The Spies had worked their magic on the more obvious burns and scars of the group (although there wasn't much they could do for the Demos) and the Pyros' burn scars were no longer obvious, nor were the Snipers' and the Spys'.

"Group conference in two weeks?" the former-BLU Spy asked.

"Sounds good, private," the former-RED Soldier replied. The Engineers had essentially trained them to behave (at least for a little while) which meant no shouting, no guns, no explosions, no theft, and no drunken disorderliness.

It occurred to Philippe that this group of men (and woman) should not be the people she felt comfortable around. As soon as the thought came to the front of her mind, she shooed it away.

_It might not be a perfect 'family'_, she thought as she said her goodbyes, _but it's mine._

A thought occurred to her as she was about to leave.

"Oh yeah, everyone," she almost laughed as she gathered her things, "don't try using the devices on the plane."

"Why not?" the former-RED Pyro asked.

"Just trust me." She accompanied this with a smile as she left.

"So, _cherie_, who owes each other now?" Michel smiled down at her.

"You owe me-a kiss." Philippe pulled his tie down as she stood on her toes.

She wasn't disappointed as Michel repaid his debt.

* * *

That's the end. I hope you liked it, we'll see about the oneshots. I love you all!

Sincerely,

Black Lagoon


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